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The best of Weetobix's 20 jokes (View All)
| Apparently scientists have found female hormones in beer. It's true: After 6 pints you talk shite and can't drive. |    |
Joke by Weetobix, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged beer , female , hormones - Current Score: 346 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| A boy was upstairs playing on his computer when his grandad came in the room and sat down on the bed. "What are you doing?", Asked the grandad. "You're 18 years old and wasting your life! When I was 18 I went to Paris, I went to the Moulin Rouge, drank all night, had my way with the dancers, pissed on the barman and left without paying! Now that is how to have a good time!" A week later, the grandfather comes to visit again. He finds the boy still in his room, but with a broken arm in plaster, 2 black eyes and missing all his front teeth. "What happened?", he asked. "Oh Grandfather!", replied the boy. "I did what you did! I went to Paris, went to the Moulin Rouge, drank all night, had my way with the dancers, pissed all over the barman, and he beat the crap out of me!" "Oh dear!", replied the grandad. "Who did you go with?" "Just some friends, why? Who did you go with?" "Oh!" replied the grandad. "The Third Panzer Division." | |
Joke by Weetobix, in Religion and racism > French - Tagged paris , moulan rouge , german , drunk - Current Score: 133 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout-looking Vegas hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker, "how much do you charge?" The hooker replies, "it starts at $500 for a hand-job." The guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Holy crap! No hand-job is worth that kind of money!" The hooker says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?" "Yes." "Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?" "Yes." "And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?" "Yes." "Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those. And, I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500." The guy says, "what the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try." They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing he just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500. He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?" The hooker replies, "$1,500." "I wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!" The hooker replies, "step over here to the window, big boy. Do you see that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright. And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500." The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, decides to put off the new car for another year or so, and says, "Sign me up." Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He can scarcely believe it, but he feels he truly got his money's worth. He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience. He asks the hooker, "How much for some pussy?" The hooker says, "come over here to the window, I want to show you something. Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and show places?" "Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "you own the whole city?" "No," the hooker replies, "but I would if I had a pussy!" | |
Joke by Weetobix, in Sex and shit > Prostitution - Tagged prostitute , porsche , rolex - Current Score: 127 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| What's the difference between Australia and a pot of yoghurt? If you leave the lid off a pot of yoghurt, it will eventually develop a culture. | |
Joke by Weetobix, in Religion and racism > Australians - Tagged australia , yoghurt , culture - Current Score: 78 - Added: 8 months, 18 days ago
| What do women and KFC have in common? After you're done with the legs, breasts and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in. | |
Joke by Weetobix, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged woman , kfc - Current Score: 78 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| Newsflash - Gary Glitter has attempted suicide by jumping into the sea. Coastguards found him bobbing up and down on a small buoy! | |
Joke by Weetobix, in Celebrity and news events > Gary Glitter - Tagged garry glitter , coastguard , buoy , suicide - Current Score: 72 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| A man goes to the doctors with an embarressed look on his face. The doctor asks him what's wrong and the man sighs and pulls down his trousers, to reveal a penis covered in holes. "It's terrible!", says the man, "It's like a garden sprinkler. Every time I go to the lav I piss all over my shoes!" The man looks at it for a while, thens sits back at his desk, tapping his teeth with his pen. "Hmmm.", he says, "I think I'm going to refer you to Mr Brown." "Why?", asks the man, "Is he some sort of specialist willy doctor?" "No.", replies the doctor, "He's a flute player - he'll show you how to hold it properly." | |
Joke by Weetobix, in Illness and mortality > Doctor - Tagged man , doctor , penis , holes , flute - Current Score: 70 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| An Arab has been found dead at the bottom of Michael Barrymore's swimming pool. Apparently it was a suicide bummer. | |
Joke by Weetobix, in Celebrity and news events > Michael Barrymore - Tagged barrymore , pool , homosexual , taliban - Current Score: 58 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| An old man was in hospital. Lying in bed, he leaned over to the pretty young nurse attending to him and whispered in her ear "Give us a kiss, luv!" "No!", replied the nurse "Oh go on!", said the man "No!", replied the nurse again "Please!", begged the old man, "Just a quick peck on the cheek?" "For the last time, no!", said the nurse, "I shouldn't even be wanking you off!" | |
Joke by Weetobix, in Sex and shit > Nurses - Tagged man , hospital , nurse , kiss , wanking - Current Score: 45 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| A blonde, a brunette and a redhead get in a lift to go to their office. The brunette sees a suspicious pool of whitish liquid. "Eww! That looks like sperm." says the brunette. The redhead bends down and sniffs. "It smells like sperm," she says. The blonde puts her finger in it and licks it. "Well it's nobody from this building!" | |
Joke by Weetobix, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged blonde , lift , cum - Current Score: 43 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
Custurd spent 0.05ms doing 16 queries and 0.06s processing. She's 2.11% angry.
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