andino has a score of 2802 at the moment.
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The best of andino's 23 jokes (View All)
| A dog is truly a man's best friend. If you don't believe it, just try this experiment. Lock your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour. When you open the boot, which one is really happy to see you? |    |
Joke by andino, in Jokes with no home > Dog - Tagged dog , wife , sexist , mans , best , friend - Current Score: 1184 - Added: 8 months, 21 days ago
| I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays." | |
Joke by andino, in Jokes with no home > Fitness - Tagged splits , flexible , tim vine - Current Score: 206 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| Scientists have warned that 260,000 Muslims could die as a result of global warming. On a more serious note my dog's got fleas. | |
Joke by andino, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged muslim , global warming - Current Score: 196 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| Why have we never sent a woman to the moon? Because it doesn't need cleaning! | |
Joke by andino, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged woman , moon , cleaning , sexist - Current Score: 185 - Added: 1 year ago
| Touch it gently... Put 2 fingers inside, if it's big put 3 fingers in... Make sure it's wet... Rub it up and down.... Yeah.... That's how you wash a cup | |
Joke by andino, in Sex and shit > camping - Tagged cunt , cup - Current Score: 158 - Added: 10 months ago
| Patrick, who was on holiday from Ireland on Bondi beach, couldn't seem to make it with any of the girls. So he asked the local lifeguard for some advice. "Mate, it's obvious," says the lifeguard, "You're wearing them old baggy swimming trunks that make ya look like an old geezer. They're years outta style. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos - about two sizes too small and drop a fist-sized potato down inside 'em. I'm tellin' ya mate...you'll have all the babes ya want!" The following weekend, Patrick hits the beach with his new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato. Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, and laughing, looking sick! So Patrick went back to the lifeguard again and asked him, "What's wrong now?" "JAHEESUS!" said the lifeguard. "Mate, the potato goes in front!" | |
Joke by andino, in Sex and shit > Shit - Tagged paddy , beach , potato , shit - Current Score: 123 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| Wife : "I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars." Husband : "How about the ones like mine?" Wife : "Those they gave away." Husband : "I had a dream too...I dreamt they were auctioning off cunts. The pretty ones went for a thousand dollars, and the little tight ones went for two thousand." Wife : "And how much for the ones like mine?" Husband : "That's where they held the auction." | |
Joke by andino, in Sex and shit > camping - Tagged cunt , penis , auction - Current Score: 118 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| Why can't Chinese couples have caucasian babies? Because two Wongs don't make a White! | |
Joke by andino, in Religion and racism > Chinese - Tagged chinese , babies - Current Score: 104 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| "I've got some good news and some bad news" the doctor says. "What's the bad news?" asks the patient. "The bad news is that unfortunately you've only got 3 months to live". The patient is taken back, "What's the good news then Doctor?". The doctor points over to the secretary at the front desk, "You see that blonde with the big breasts, tight ass and legs that go all the way up to heaven?", the patient nods his head and the doctor replies, "I'm fucking her." | |
Joke by andino, in Sex and shit > Fuck - Tagged doctor , blonde , fucking - Current Score: 93 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| An Arab buys a camel and he proudly decides to ride it around his local pub carpark, causing a bit of a stir with the local drinkers. "Nice camel mate," One of the drinkers commented, "Is it male or female?" "It's female!" said the Arab. "How can you tell?" said the drinker. "Well," the Arab explained, "on the way here today, at least twenty people yelled out,'Hey, Look at the dirty, smelly cunt on that camel!" | |
Joke by andino, in Religion and racism > indian - Tagged arab , cunt , camel - Current Score: 92 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
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