andyf23 has a score of 263 at the moment.
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The best of andyf23's 13 jokes (View All)
| This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny! NAME: Greg Bulmash SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person. DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place. DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. SALARY: Less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?" HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes. DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely. SIGN HERE: Aries. |    |
Joke by andyf23, in Religion and racism > Americans - Tagged mcdonalds application form - Current Score: 137 - Added: 6 months, 19 days ago
| Early this morning a devastating fire burned down the personal library of President George W. Bush. Tragically, both books were lost in the blaze. To cause even more heartbreak, The President, due to his hectic schedule, had not found time to colour in the second one! | |
Joke by andyf23, in Celebrity and news events > George Bush - Tagged george bush , fire - Current Score: 74 - Added: 3 months, 14 days ago
| A primary school teacher asks her class the following, "Ok today kids I want you to make a sentence using the word dough" The hands fly up and it is little Timmy to go first, "Bakers make bread using a special dough" "Very good Timmy" Little Chelsey is next, "My baby brother makes animals out of play dough" "Excellent Chelsey" Finally it is little Johnny's turn, "My Mam says Dad is so useless she needs to use a dil dough!" | |
Joke by andyf23, in Jokes with no home > School - Tagged kids , school , teacher , sex - Current Score: 23 - Added: 6 months, 28 days ago
| After no dates or sex for 5 years a woman goes to see a chinese sex expert therapist Dr Chang. He says, "take off all your croase, get down and craw reery reery fas to otherside room" she does. "Ok craw reery reery fas bac" as she did Dr Chang shook his head. "Your problem vewy vewy bad. Worst case Ed Zachery disease I ever sor, dat why you get no man. She says, "What's Ed Zachery disease?" Doctor says, "Its when your face look Ed Zachery like your arse" | |
Joke by andyf23, in Religion and racism > Chinese - Tagged chinse , sex - Current Score: 15 - Added: 6 months, 30 days ago
| A beautiful blonde babe walks up to a man on the beach who's wearing tight blue swimming trunks. She stares into his face for a while, then says, "That's absolutely amazing!" "What's amazing?" the bloke enquires. "Your eyes... they match your trunks," the blonde says breathlessly. "Oh really?" replies the man. "Are they bulging?" | |
Joke by andyf23, in Sex and shit > Blonde Jokes - Tagged blonde , trunks , erection , eyes - Current Score: 10 - Added: 5 hours ago
| Two deaf men are on their tea-break, signing to each other about being out the night before. The first man signs to his friend, "my wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak to bed without waking her." The second deaf man signs back, "boy, you're lucky: my wife was wide awake waiting for me in bed and she started swearing at me for being so late." The first deaf man asks, "so, what did you do?" The second man replies, "I turned out the light." | |
Joke by andyf23, in Illness and mortality > Deafness - Tagged deaf , wife - Current Score: 5 - Added: 6 months, 9 days ago
| Good news for Jade Goody, a cancer specialist has come out today and said that he can save her life if she comes to see him. Good news for us, he lives in East Anglia | |
Joke by andyf23, in Celebrity and news events > Jade Goody - Tagged jade goody , cancer , east anglia , big brother - Current Score: 3 - Added: 3 months, 11 days ago
| Joe Kinnear congratulates the Newcastle groundsman on the quality of the pitch. "Well," the groundsman replies, "it does have £70million worth of shit on it every other week" | |
Joke by andyf23, in Celebrity and news events > Newcastle United - Tagged football , newcastle , shit , joe kinnear - Current Score: 2 - Added: 2 hours ago
| Jade Goody was called into the Indian Big Brother diary room. BB: "Jade, you have Cancer" Jade: "No I'm not, I'm a Capricorn!" | |
Joke by andyf23, in Celebrity and news events > Jade Goody - Tagged jade goody , cancer - Current Score: -2 - Added: 3 months, 15 days ago
| Top Ten Reasons it Sucks to be A Penis 10. You've got a hole in your head. 9. Your master strangles you all the time. 8. Your head is disproportionate to the rest of your body. 7. You shrink in cold water. 6. You never get a haircut. 5. You always hang around with 2 nuts. 4. Your closest neighbour is an asshole. 3. Your best friend is a pussy. 2. Your scalp gets cut off if you're Jewish. And the number one reason why it sucks to be a penis: 1. Every time you get excited, you throw up. | |
Joke by andyf23, in Sex and shit > Penis - Tagged penis , list - Current Score: -2 - Added: 6 months, 26 days ago
Custurd spent 0.12ms doing 16 queries and 0.04s processing. She's 1.27% angry.
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