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anglebiter's Profile Information:

I'm nice. I am genuinely trying to make Sickipedia a better place. DELETE DELETE DELETE DELETE DELETE.

Hint of the day: check the dates on jokes. If you just posted one that is fundamentally the same as one I posted six months ago, chances are I didn't nick it off you. Cunt.

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anglebiter has a score of 1756 at the moment.
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The best of anglebiter's 7 jokes (View All)

Have you heard the joke about the baby with AIDS?

It never gets old.

Joke by anglebiter, in Illness and mortality > Dead Babies - Tagged baby , aids - Current Score: 88 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor."

So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your tennis elbow will never get better.

Joke by anglebiter, in Illness and mortality > Diagnosis - Tagged doctor , tennis elbow , bill , machine - Current Score: 87 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago

I had to go to hospital for treatment for premature ejaculation last week. I'm alright now, but it was touch and go for a while.

Joke by anglebiter, in Sex and shit > Orgasm - Tagged premature ejaculation - Current Score: 76 - Added: 8 months, 27 days ago

A group of four-year olds were trying very hard to become accustomed to school. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk!

"You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them. "John what did you do over the weekend?"

"I went to visit my Nana."

"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done

"I took a ride on a choo-choo."

"No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People' words." She said. She then asked little Alex what he had done.

"I read a book," he replied.

"That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?"

Alex thought very hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said, "Winnie the SHIT."

Joke by anglebiter, in Jokes with no home > Scatalogical - Tagged school , children , teacher , vocabulary , winnie the pooh - Current Score: 69 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago

A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian coast.
He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her.
Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable.
The Sarge says, 'Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news'.
'Well,' says the bloke, 'I guess I'd better have the bad news first?'
The Sarge says, 'I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead.'
The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn. But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is.
The Sarge says, 'Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized crays and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share.'
He hands the bloke a sugar bag with a couple of nice crays and four or five crabs in it.
'Geez thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that... So what's the other possible good news?
'Well', the Sarge says, 'if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again!

Joke by anglebiter, in Illness and mortality > Dead - Tagged australia , dead , dead wife , fishing , crabs - Current Score: 32 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago

An old man goes in for his yearly physical, with his wife tagging along.

The doctor enters the examination room and says to the man, "I will need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample."

The old man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?"

The wife yells back to him, "GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERWEAR."

Joke by anglebiter, in Illness and mortality > Old people - Tagged doctor , urine sample , stool sample , sperm sample , deaf - Current Score: 21 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago

Leah Betts goes to heaven and is met at the pearly gates by St. Peter.

St Peter asks for her name, she replied "Leah Betts".

St Peter says "Leah? Is that with 1 E or 2?"

Joke by anglebiter, in Illness and mortality > Drugs - Tagged leah betts , ecstasy , pearly gates , 1995 - Current Score: 16 - Added: 3 months, 22 days ago

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