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The best of bastowbastow's 12 jokes (View All)
| Our last fight was my fault. My wife asked me, "what's on the TV?" I said, "dust!" |    |
Joke by bastowbastow, in Sex and shit > Sexist - Tagged sexist , tv , dust , tommy cooper - Current Score: 133 - Added: 10 months, 8 days ago
| Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator. Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?" | |
Joke by bastowbastow, in Jokes with no home > Unfunny Jokes Written By Americans - Tagged phone - Current Score: 108 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| One day, a little girl and her mother were shopping and the little girl asked her mother, "Mummy, how old are you?" And the mother said, "Dear, that's something that women don't really like to talk about." So they walked on and the little girl stopped and said, "Mummy, how much do you weigh?" And her mother said, "Honey, that's something else that women don't like talking about." So, they kept walking. Then the girl stopped again and asked, "Why did you and daddy get a divorce?" And her mum said, "Sweetheart, that's something that hurt mummy very much and I don't want to talk about it." The little girl was very frustrated so she went and talked to her best friend. Her best friend told her, "Just sneak a peek at her drivers licence. It's like a profile, it tells you everything." So the next day when they little girl and her mother were driving to her ballet recital, the little girl said, "Mummy, I know how old you are, you're 36." Her mother was shocked and said, "Heavens, how did you know that?" The little girl just shrugged. A few minutes passed and the little girl said, "I know how much you weigh. You weigh 128 pounds." The mother said, "And how did you know THAT?" The little girl just shrugged again. After 5 minutes, the little girl said, "And I know why you and daddy got a divorce. You got an F in sex." | |
Joke by bastowbastow, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged funny - Current Score: 56 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| A little boy was praying, and his dad walked passed.He stopped to listen to his son, the young boy went on to say, "dear God, please bless Mummy, Daddy and Grandpa and tatata Grandma." The next day, they found the young boy's grandmother dead on the floor. That night the little boy prayed again and, similarly to the night before, the father listened in on him. The young boy crossed his hands again, looked up and said, "God bless Mummy and Daddy and tatata Grandpa." The next day, the young child's Grandpa was found dead on the floor. So later on like the previous two nights, the young boy prayed again. He said, "God Bless Mummy and tatata Daddy." The man thought about the prayers and slowly began to realise that he would be next to be found dead, so his plan was to stay up all night to cheat his death. So the man stayed up all night and thanks to his plan he survived. To check he was fine, he even visited his doctor, who gave him a complete checkup and explained there was nothing wrong with him. As he got home, his wife came bursting out of their front door in a panicky mood. The man asked her what was wrong. To which his wife replied, "I opened the door this morning and found the milkman dead on our doorstep." | |
Joke by bastowbastow, in Illness and mortality > Dying - Tagged dying , cheating - Current Score: 48 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| Sam and John were out cutting wood, and John cut his arm off. Sam wrapped the arm in a plastic bag and took it and John to a surgeon. The surgeon said, "You're in luck! I'm an expert at reattaching limbs! Come back in four hours." So Sam came back in four hours and the surgeon said, "I got done faster than I expected to. John is down at the local pub." Sam went to the pub and saw John throwing darts. A few weeks later, Sam and John were out again, and John cut his leg off. Sam put the leg in a plastic bag and took it and John back to the surgeon. The surgeon said, "Legs are a little tougher - come back in six hours." Sam returned in six hours and the surgeon said, "I finished early - John's down at the soccer field." Sam went to the soccer field and there was John, kicking goals. A few weeks later, John had a terrible accident and cut his head off. Sam put the head in a plastic bag and took it and the rest of John to the surgeon. The surgeon said, "Gee, heads are really tough. Come back in twelve hours." So Sam returned in twelve hours and the surgeon said, "I'm sorry, John died." Sam said, "I understand - heads are tough." The surgeon said, "Oh, no! The surgery went fine! John suffocated in that plastic bag!" | |
Joke by bastowbastow, in Illness and mortality > Amputation - Tagged amputation , dying , suffocation - Current Score: 48 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don't get some support soon, people are going to think we're nuts. | |
Joke by bastowbastow, in Sex and shit > Tits - Tagged boobs , bra - Current Score: 46 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| What do you call 6.9? A good 69 interrupted by a period.... | |
Joke by bastowbastow, in Sex and shit > 69 - Tagged 69er - Current Score: 45 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| Buffy, a blonde, needed some extra cash, so she begged her friend at the highway department for a job - any job at all. "Sure," he said. "I always have job openings to paint the lines down the center of the roads. Would you be interested in painting stripes?" Buffy agreed and began working immediately. The first day she painted five miles of stripes. The next day she painted three miles. But on the third day, she only painted one mile of stripes. The supervisor took Buffy aside and asked her what was wrong. "You worked so hard and painted so fast the first couple of days. Why are you working so slowly now?" Buffy replied, "Because the bucket keeps getting farther away." | |
Joke by bastowbastow, in Celebrity and news events > viagra - Tagged blonde - Current Score: 29 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| Element Name: Woman Periodic Chart Symbol: Wo Discoverer: Adam Atomic Mass: Generally accepted as 110 lbs., but known to vary from 60 to 550 lbs. Occurence: Copious quantities in all urban areas. PHYSICAL PROPERTIES 1. Surface usually covered with a painted film. 2. Boils with no provocation. 3. Freezes up solid unexpectedly. 4. Melts if given special treatment. 5. Bitter if incorrectly used or ignored. 6. Yields to pressure applied to certain points. CHEMICAL PROPERTIES 1. Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and precious stones such as diamonds, rubies and sapphires among others. 2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances. 3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning or reason. 4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol. 5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man. COMMON USES 1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports car. 2. Can be a great aid to relaxation. 3. Very effective cleaning agent. TESTS 1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state. 2. Turns green with envy when placed beside a better specimen. 3. Defies proper aging analysis techniques. HAZARDS 1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. 2. Illegal to possess more than one at a time although several can be maintained at different locations as long as the specimens do not come into contact with each other. | |
Joke by bastowbastow, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged women , chemical , wo - Current Score: 23 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted the butcher with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed. He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I`ll be 16 tomorrow." "I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I`ve been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she`ll get, and watch the expression on her face." When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on HIS face!" | |
Joke by bastowbastow, in Jokes with no home > Family - Tagged family - Current Score: 7 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
Custurd spent 0.12ms doing 16 queries and 0.05s processing. She's 4.09% angry.
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