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The best of bizlop's 67 jokes (View All)

Barclay's are apparently "Fluent in Finance."

Well, that's fantastic. Its just a shame none of the fucking Indians that answer their phones are fluent in English.		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by bizlop, in Religion and racism > Indian - Tagged indian call centres , indians , pakis , wogs , call centre , bank , barclays , english , fluent , paki , phone , customer service  - Current Score: 870 - Added: 1 month ago

I was walking down the street with my girlfriend the other day, when I saw 5 youths beating up a Pakistani. My girlfriend turned to me and said- "Aren't you going to help?" I replied, "No, 5 should be enough."I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by bizlop, in Religion and racism > Pakis - Tagged pakis , paki , pakistani , pakistan , beating up , fight  - Current Score: 350 - Added: 2 months ago

An English tourist arrives in Australia, and is going through the usual checks at custom/immigration.

The customs bloke asks him, "Have you got a criminal record"

The English guy replies, "I didn't know you still needed one!"		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by bizlop, in Religion and racism > English - Tagged australia , criminal  - Current Score: 202 - Added: 2 months ago

The 2012 Olympics in London are going to be an amazing cultural experience. Imagine the hordes of international fans - Poles, Czechs, Russians, Hungarians, Latvians, Africans, Jamaicans, Indians, Pakistanis, Iraqis, Turks, Greeks, Thais, Australians, South Africans - all of whom will have travelled as many as 10 miles to watch these games.I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by bizlop, in Religion and racism > Londoners - Tagged london , migrant , migrants , nigger , poles , czechs , pakis , paki , polish , niggers , australians , south african , iraqi , 2012 olympics , olympic  - Current Score: 201 - Added: 3 months ago

I got into an argument with this thug in the pub. Anyway, I backed away, but as I was leaving he shouted, "I know where you live." I was really worried for a while, but it turned out he works for Royal Mail Parcelforce, so his threat almost certainly isn't true.I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by bizlop, in Jokes with no home > POST OFFICE - Tagged royal mail , house , threat , parcelforce , fight , pub , thug , viz , viz letters  - Current Score: 159 - Added: 1 month ago

I like this prank- go to google, type "French Military Victories" in the search box, and hit "I'm feeling lucky." See what comes up....I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by bizlop, in Religion and racism > French - Tagged 55  - Current Score: 159 - Added: 3 months ago

A classic, no doubt you've seen it before, but here goes:

In Heaven, there is the ideal citizen of the world:

He has the MANNERS of an Englishman, and the SEX APPEAL of the Spaniard.
He has the HUMOUR of the the Irishman, and the BRAIN of the German.
He has the STYLE of the Italian, and the COURAGE of the Scotsman.
He has the MUSCLES of the Russian, and the WEALTH of the American
He has the SPIRITUALITY of the Indian, and the HYGENIE of the Finn.

However, in hell, the reverse is true.. he is the WORST citizen..

he has..


ready...


He has the MANNERS of an Frenchman, and the SEX APPEAL of the Frenchman
He has the HUMOUR of the the Frenchman, and the BRAIN of the Frenchman
He has the STYLE of the Frenchman, and the COURAGE of the Frenchman
He has the MUSCLES of the Frenchman, and the WEALTH of the Frenchman
He has the SPIRITUALITY of the Frenchman, and the HYGENIE of the Frenchman		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by bizlop, in Religion and racism > French - Tagged 55  - Current Score: 146 - Added: 3 months ago

I understand that we are living in the "politically correct" age - everything needs to be wheelchair friendly, in Punjabi and Polish but, seriously, do we really need information signs in Braille - at a fucking art gallery? That's true, by the way.

http://www.manchestergalleries.org/planning-your-visit/access/

What's next, ipods for the deaf?

But seriously, it's political correctness gone mad. I mean, they are even putting instructions on toothbrush boxes in Arabic - next time you buy one, check it out. That's just crazy - I mean, whoever heard of a Muslim who brushes his teeth?		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by bizlop, in Illness and mortality > Blindness - Tagged blind  - Current Score: 142 - Added: 1 month, 27 days ago

Why is it that, when the Sealed Knot recreate Civil War battles, it's considered to be enriching historical entertainment and a nice family day out but, when me and a few mates attempt to recreate the holocaust, we all get arrested?I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by bizlop, in Religion and racism > Hitler - Tagged jew , holocaust , sealed knot , history , anti semitism , jews , jewish , violence  - Current Score: 138 - Added: 3 weeks ago

Yesterday I made a comment in which I referred to a Muslim as a "pigfucker." I now realise that this was deeply offensive and totally unjustified. The implication that anyone could lower themselves to have sex with a creature considered to be unclean, disgusting and downright immoral, is unjustifiable and offensive and as such I wish to offer a full apology to any pigs who might have been listening.I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by bizlop, in Religion and racism > Muslim - Tagged muslims , muslim , paki , pakis , pig , pigs , pigfucker , offensive , racist , racism , fuck  - Current Score: 133 - Added: 2 months, 26 days ago

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