| User Level: | User | ||
| Contribution Points: | 0 | Total Joke Score: | 7,360 |
| Country: |
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Total Time Active: | 27 minutes |
| Total Jokes Submitted: | 75 | Live Jokes: | 60 |
| Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates): | 15 | Duplicate Jokes: | 9 |
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The best of Bizlop's 60 jokes (View All)
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Barclay's are apparently "Fluent in Finance." Well, that's fantastic. It's just a shame none of the fucking Indians that answer their phones are fluent in English. |
 
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| The 2012 Olympics in London are going to be an amazing cultural experience. Imagine the hordes of international fans - Poles, Czechs, Russians, Hungarians, Latvians, Africans, Jamaicans, Indians, Pakistanis, Iraqis, Turks, Greeks, Thais, Australians, South Africans - all of whom will have travelled as many as 10 miles to watch these games. |
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At the height of all this "Anti-American" posting on Sickipedia, some American guy posted a joke as a bit of a "backlash". It went something like "What do you call it when the Americans, Spanish, French, Dutch and Prussians kick British ass? - Answer - The War of Independence!" So I was thinking - was that true? Well, five against one - I must admit, that does sound like their style. |
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A classic. No doubt you've seen it before, but here goes:
In Heaven, there is the ideal citizen of the world: He has the MANNERS of the Englishman, and the SEX APPEAL of the Spaniard. He has the HUMOUR of the Irishman, and the BRAIN of the German. He has the STYLE of the Italian, and the COURAGE of the Scotsman. He has the MUSCLES of the Russian, and the WEALTH of the Saudi Arabian He has the SPIRITUALITY of the Indian, and the HYGIENE of the [...] |
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| Yesterday I made a comment in which I referred to a Muslim as a "pigfucker." I now realise that this was deeply offensive and totally unjustified. The implication that anyone could lower themselves to have sex with a creature considered to be unclean, disgusting and downright immoral, is unjustifiable and offensive and as such I wish to offer a full apology to any pigs who might have been listening. |
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Joke by Bizlop in Crime - Paedophilia - Added: 1 year, 11 months ago
- Current Score: 260
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I'm having some problems with my new Staffordshire Bull Terrier- I rang the vet for some advice. I explained he was brown, stupid, aggressive and liable to attack anyone for no good reason. The vet replied " Muzzle 'im? " No, I said- I think he's an atheist. |
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Joke by Bizlop in Crime - Paedophilia - Added: 1 year, 10 months ago
- Current Score: 231.4
| Why is it that, when the Sealed Knot recreate Civil War battles, it's considered to be enriching historical entertainment and a nice family day out but, when me and a few mates attempt to recreate the holocaust, we all get arrested? |
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Joke by Bizlop in Celebrities - Adolf Hitler - Added: 1 year, 9 months ago
- Current Score: 228.2
| I got into an argument with this thug in the pub. Anyway, I backed away, but as I was leaving he shouted, "I know where you live." I was really worried for a while, but it turned out he works for Royal Mail Parcelforce, so his threat almost certainly isn't true. |
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I understand that we are living in the "politically correct" age - everything needs to be wheelchair friendly, in Punjabi and Polish but, seriously, do we really need information signs in Braille - at a fucking art gallery? That's true, by the way.
http://www.manchestergalleries.org/planning-your-visit/access/ What's next, ipods for the deaf? But seriously, it's political correctness gone mad. I mean, they are even putting instructions on [...] |
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Joke by Bizlop in Illness and mortality - Blindness - Added: 1 year, 10 months ago
- Current Score: 185.4
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A French War Hero, a peaceful Muslim and the Loch Ness Monster are sitting in a bar. Who is the odd one out? The Loch Ness Monster, because there is a chance that he actually exists. |
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