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bobbydgg's Statistics

User Level: User
Contribution Points: 44 Total Joke Score: 40,647
Country: United kingdom GB Total Time Active: 47 hours, 38 minutes
Total Jokes Submitted: 251 Live Jokes: 98
Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates): 153 Duplicate Jokes: 67


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The best of bobbydgg's 98 jokes (View All)
A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her fucking appendix out!"
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Joke by bobbydgg in Other - Children - Added: 2 years, 8 months ago - Current Score: 8410.6

My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood.
We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am in a bad mood, it leaves a big fucking red mark on her forehead.
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Joke by bobbydgg in Crime - Domestic Violence - Added: 2 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 5745.4

First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door.
Funny sense of humour my plumber has.
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Joke by bobbydgg in Events - Weddings - Added: 2 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 2946.8

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issue [...]

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Joke by bobbydgg in Crime - Terrorism - Added: 2 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 1583.2

Imagine my joy when I was getting out the Christmas decorations and found a present I forgot to give my kids last year. Their excited faces were a picture as they unwrapped it and opened the box.

Such a pity it was a puppy.
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Joke by bobbydgg in Illness and mortality - Hospital - Added: 2 years, 3 months ago - Current Score: 1437.4

A man walked into a pub, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be ten pence."
"Ten pence?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A pound," the barman replied.
"A pound?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man as [...]

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Joke by bobbydgg in Other - Alcohol and Drugs - Added: 2 years, 2 months ago - Current Score: 1336.2

Secrets to a Happy Marriage
1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.
2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money.
3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have sex.
and MOST important...
4. It is important that these three women never meet.
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Joke by bobbydgg which requires categorising - Added: 2 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 1126.8

We are always told we should look after and keep an eye on our old neighbours.
Why the fuck should we? My 87 year old neighbour is such a lazy bitch, she hasn't even taken her newspapers in for two weeks.
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Joke by bobbydgg in Other - Old People - Added: 2 years, 3 months ago - Current Score: 1083

A Northern Territory farm hand (an Aboriginal) radios back to the farm manager.

"Boss, I gotta helluva problem here. I hit a pig with the truck. The pig's ok, but he's stuck in the bullbars at the front of my truck and is wriggling and squealing so much I can't get him out."

The manager says, "Ok, there's a .303 rifle behind the seat. Take it, shoot the pig in the head and you'll be able to remove him."

Five minutes later the farm hand c [...]

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Joke by bobbydgg in Other - ??? General - Added: 2 years, 8 months ago - Current Score: 882.4

Just been to the gym and there's a new machine there.
I only used it for about an hour, as I started to feel sick, but it's great: it's got KitKats, Mars bars, crisps and everything in it.
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Joke by bobbydgg in Other - ??? General - Added: 2 years, 8 months ago - Current Score: 826.4

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