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The best of bobbydgg's 71 jokes (View All)
| My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood. We discovered that when I am in a good mood it turns green and when I am in a bad mood it leaves a big fucking red mark on her forehead. |    |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Sex and shit > Domestic Violence - Tagged mood , swings , wife , beat , ring , abuse - Current Score: 3266 - Added: 10 months ago
| A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter. Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them... they're bound to be curious about sex at that age." "Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her fucking appendix out!" | |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Illness and mortality > Children - Tagged doctors and nurses , doctor , nurse , sex , appendix - Current Score: 2347 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door. Funny sense of humour my plumber has. | |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Jokes with no home > One Liners - Tagged tap , door , plumber , tim vine - Current Score: 1576 - Added: 10 months ago
| Imagine my joy when I was getting out the Christmas decorations and found a present I forgot to give my kids last year. Their excited faces were a picture as they unwrapped it and opened the box. Such a pity it was a puppy. | |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Jokes with no home > Christmas - Tagged christmas , picture , kids , joy , presents - Current Score: 792 - Added: 9 months ago
| A man walked into a pub, went to the bar and ordered a beer. 'Certainly, Sir, that'll be 10 pence.' 'Ten pence?' the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked: 'How much for a nice juicy steak And a bottle of wine?' 'A pound,' the barman replied. 'A pound?' exclaimed the man. 'Where's the guy who owns this place?' The bartender replied: 'Upstairs, with my wife.' The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?' The bartender replied: 'The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.' | |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Jokes with no home > Bar Jokes - Tagged fuck , cheap , wife - Current Score: 682 - Added: 7 months, 8 days ago
| Benazir Bhutto stood up for human rights. She stood up to oppression. She stood up to dictatorship. But I bet the fuck she wished she never stood up to wave. | |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Celebrity and news events > Benazir Bhutto - Tagged wave , human rights , oppression , dictatorship - Current Score: 681 - Added: 7 months, 27 days ago
| The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666. The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose". Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case. | |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Jokes with no home > terror alert - Tagged 55 - Current Score: 676 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| We are always told we should look after and keep an eye on our old neighbours. Why the fuck should we? My 87 year old neighbour is such a lazy bitch, she hasn't even taken her newspapers in for two weeks. | |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Illness and mortality > Old people - Tagged caring , lazy , bitch , neighbour - Current Score: 639 - Added: 9 months ago
| Secrets to a Happy Marriage 1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans. 2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money. 3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have sex. and MOST important... 4. It is important that these three women never meet. | |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Jokes with no home > Marriage - Tagged secrets , sex , happy , cleans , money - Current Score: 625 - Added: 10 months ago
| A Northern Territory farm hand (an Aboriginal) radios back to the farm manager. "Boss, I gotta helluva problem here. I hit a pig with the truck. The pig's ok, but he's stuck in the bullbars at the front of my truck and is wriggling and squealing so much I can't get him out." The manager says, "Ok, there's a .303 rifle behind the seat. Take it,shoot the pig in the head and you'll be able to remove him." Five minutes later the farm hand calls back, "I did what you said boss. Took the 303, shot the pig in the head and removed him from the bull-bars. No problem there, but I still can't go on". "Now what's the problem?" raged the Manager. "Well boss, it's his motor-bike. The flashing blue light is stuck under the right-front wheel arch. "You there Boss?" | |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Jokes with no home > Not Sure - Tagged pig , aboriginal , police - Current Score: 547 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
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