FECK - Irish Connection
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chelsea_steve has a score of 2759 at the moment.
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The best of chelsea_steve's 31 jokes (View All)
| A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub. She says, "show me it's true what they say about black men." So he stabbed her and nicked her purse. |    |
Joke by chelsea_steve, in Religion and racism > Blacks - Tagged nigger , thief , big cock , black , racist - Current Score: 1274 - Added: 10 months ago
| After her recent rant on GMTV, a psychologist said that Heather Mills is clearly unbalanced. Sir Paul phoned in and said that a couple of beermats under her left leg does the trick. | |
Joke by chelsea_steve, in Celebrity and news events > Heather Mills - Tagged heather mills , mucca , mccartney , wooden leg - Current Score: 203 - Added: 8 months ago
| Ferrari's Formula 1 team manager decided to employ some Liverpudlian teenagers as their pit crew. This was because of their renowned skill at removing car wheels quickly. At the first practice session, not only did they change all 4 wheels in 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-badged & sold the fucker to the McLaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed & some pictures of David Coulthard's bird getting shagged up the arse. | |
Joke by chelsea_steve, in Religion and racism > Scousers - Tagged scousers , formula 1 , sport , liverpool , ferrari , mclaren , car , car thieves - Current Score: 132 - Added: 1 year ago
| What's the difference between PMT and BSE? One attacks the cow's brain and sends it fucking mental, and the other is some kind of agricultural problem | |
Joke by chelsea_steve, in Illness and mortality > PMT - Tagged bse , mad cow , period , menstrual , women , mental - Current Score: 112 - Added: 11 months ago
| A little girl goes to the barbers with her dad and stands next to the chair eating a cake while her dad gets his hair cut. The Barber smiles at her and says "You're gonna get hair on your muffin." "I know" she says, "I'm gonna get tits too" | |
Joke by chelsea_steve, in Sex and shit > pubes - Tagged tits , pubes , puberty , hair - Current Score: 107 - Added: 10 months ago
| Gillian Gibbons has said that her original 15 day prison sentence seemed harsh at the time, but to be released and deported to Liverpool was "totally fucking undeserved!". | |
Joke by chelsea_steve, in Celebrity and news events > Gillian Gibbons - Tagged gillian gibbons , teddy , bear , scousers , scouse , liverpool , sudan , muslim , mohammed - Current Score: 98 - Added: 7 months ago
| A bloke goes in to work and finds his colleague sitting at his desk, chuckling and shaking his head. On asking "what's up?" his work mate says "Well, I had this really embarrassing Freudian slip this morning!". The bloke asks what a Freudian slip is, and his pal explains that it's when you mean to say something but what you actually say is what you're thinking. He then gives his example: - "I was queueing at the train station ticket office and couldn't help but notice that the girl behind the counter has a massive pair of hooters. They were real eye magnets! When I got to the window, instead of asking for a ticket to Tooting I asked her for a ticket to TITTING. She blushed, I blushed, I got my ticket & scarpered". The bloke laughs & says "Oh, I see. That's funny!". The following day, the other bloke is sitting at his desk laughing to himself when his workmate walks in & asks "What's so funny?". The bloke replies "I had one of your Freudian slips this morning. I was sitting at the breakfast table with the missus, and I meant to say 'pass the marmalade' but what I actually said was 'FUCK OFF YOU FAT BITCH YOU'VE RUINED MY LIFE!". | |
Joke by chelsea_steve, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged wife , freudian slip , tits , fat - Current Score: 91 - Added: 1 year ago
| A van driver used to amuse himself by running over every Mulsim he would see strutting down the side of the road. He would swerve to hit them and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road. One day, as the driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the van over. He asked the Priest "where are you going, Father?". "I'm going to say mass at St. Joseph's church, about 2 miles down the road" replied the priest. "No problem Father! I'll give you a lift"! climb in!" The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the van continued down the road. Suddenly the driver saw a Muslim walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. But, just in time, he remembered the bloody priest, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing his original target. However even though he was certain he missed him, the driver still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything he turned to the priest and said "I'm sorry Father, I almost hit that Muslim". "Don't worry," replied the priest. "I got the fucker with the door!" | |
Joke by chelsea_steve, in Religion and racism > Muslim - Tagged muslim - Current Score: 91 - Added: 10 months ago
| A bride on her wedding night says to her husband "I must confess darling, I was a hooker!". He says "That's alright, dear. Your past is your past, but I must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it". She replies "Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Wigan!". | |
Joke by chelsea_steve, in Sex and shit > Prostitution - Tagged wife , wedding night , prostitute , prozzie , hooker , rugby , sex change - Current Score: 75 - Added: 11 months ago
| Tonto and The Lone Ranger are walking through the desert. The Lone Ranger asks Tonto how much he knows about the desert and the nature surrounding them. Tonto suddenly drops the floor and puts his ear to the desert floor. Tonto then shouts "BUFFALO COME". The Lone Ranger is amazed. The Lone Ranger says "Are you so knowledgeable in this world that you can hear the animals miles away and understand their acoustics via their vibrations through the ground?". Tonto looks up and says "NO! EAR STUCK TO FLOOR!" | |
Joke by chelsea_steve, in Celebrity and news events > Lone Ranger - Tagged lone ranger , tonto , spunk - Current Score: 68 - Added: 11 months ago
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