eatmeat has a score of 1711 at the moment.
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The best of eatmeat's 13 jokes
| Women are like parking spaces, normally all the good ones are taken. So, occasionally, when no one's looking, you have to stick it in a disabled one. |    |
| I phoned the Islamic Samaritans today. When I said I was feeling suicidal they got all excited and asked if I knew how to fly a plane. | |
Joke by eatmeat, in Jokes with no home > Advice - Tagged suicide , bomber , samaritan - Current Score: 161
| I went for an Indian last night. The waiter came over and said "Curry OK?" I said "Go on then, one song then you can fuck off". | |
Joke by eatmeat, in Religion and racism > Indian - Tagged indian , curry , karaoke - Current Score: 138
| I entered the Young Musician of the Year last week. He didn't half scream. | |
Joke by eatmeat, in Sex and shit > Paedophilia - Tagged rape , kid , peadophile , musician - Current Score: 112
| As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger frantically jumps up, removes all her clothing and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman. Is there anyone on this plane who is man enough?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this." | |
| Bruce is driving over Harbor Bridge one day listening to some music in his car and just having a really great day. Suddenly he notices his girlfriend Sheila standing on the side of the bridge. Bruce slams on the brakes, bolts out of the car and shouts, "Sheila! What the hell are you doing, babe?" Sheila turns around with tears welling up in her eyes. "Bruce, honey! You got me pregnant. I don't want to be a burden, so I'm just gonna kill myself!" Bruce gets a lump in his throat and climbs back into his car. "Sheila, not only are you a great fuck, but you're a good sport about it too!" | |
| What's the difference between an Emperor penguin and Gerry McCann? An Emperor penguin doesn't leave his egg to spend three hours throwing cheap wine down his neck in a local bistro on the pretence he can still see the vague area the egg was left in. | |
Joke by eatmeat, in Celebrity and news events > Madeleine McCann - Tagged drink , penguin , egg , parent , bistro - Current Score: 54
| Two guys in a health club, one is putting on lace knickers. "Since when do you wear womens pants?" "Since my wife found them in the glove compartment!" | |
| Evil Knievel is planning his most challenging stunt yet. He's going to jump 15 double decker buses. Apparently the guys driving his hearse aren't best pleased. | |
Joke by eatmeat, in Celebrity and news events > Evil Knievel - Tagged death , evil knievel - Current Score: 45
| A Paki goes into a chemist for some aspirin. When he leaves the Chemist realises he has sold him arsenic by mistake and goes running into the street after him. "I've sold you the wrong tablets" he tells him "What's the difference?" asks the Paki "Just call it a quid" says the Chemist | |
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