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The best of eoghain616's 12 jokes (View All)
| At a meeting in a synagogue, Yossef asks the Rabbi, "Rabbi, why do people hate us so much?" The Rabbi says, "That's an interesting question. How about we all talk about it tomorrow over some vodka. Each one of you should bring a bottle so we can mix it in a big pot and drink and discuss, and the answer will become clear." Yossef went home and thought to himself, "If everyone else is going to bring a bottle of vodka, if I bring a bottle of water then no-one will notice the difference." And water was what he brought. The Rabbi poured all the vodka together in one pot and started mixing it. Yossef got anxious. "Well, Rabbi, what is the answer to my question? Why do people hate us so much?" The Rabbi filled a cup and said, "Drink this Yossef." Yossef did and said, "But this is water!" "And this is why the people hate us." |    |
Joke by eoghain616, in Sex and shit > Adultery - Tagged synagogue , rabbi , money , tight , yids - Current Score: 99 - Added: 6 months, 14 days ago
| What did God say after creating man? "I can do much better!" What did God say after creating woman? "Guess I was wrong!" | |
Joke by eoghain616, in Religion and racism > God - Tagged god , man - Current Score: 83 - Added: 7 months, 29 days ago
| Michael the Dragon Master was an official in King Arthur's court. He had a long-standing obsession to nuzzle the beautiful Queen's voluptuous breasts. But he knew the penalty for this would be death. One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio, who was the King's chief physician. Horatio said, "I can arrange it, but I will need 1,000 gold coins to pay bribes." Michael the Dragon Master readily agreed. The next day Horatio made up a batch of itching powder and poured a little of it into the Queen's brassiere while she was taking a bath. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew in intensity. Upon being called to the royal chambers, Horatio told the King that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown such a saliva was only to be found in Michael the Dragon Master's mouth. King Arthur summoned Michael the Dragon Master. Michael the Dragon Master slipped the antidote lotion into his mouth and for the next four hours worked passionately on the Queen's magnificent breasts. Satisfied, he returned to his chamber and found Horatio demanding payment. However, with his obsession now satisfied, he refused to pay Horatio anything and shooed him away, knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King. The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder onto King Arthur's loincloth. King Arthur summoned Michael the Dragon Master ... Moral of the story: Pay your bills | |
Joke by eoghain616, in Sex and shit > Moral - Tagged nuzzle , king arthur - Current Score: 66 - Added: 8 months, 3 days ago
| Exit signs. They're on the way out, aren't they? [Tim Vine] | |
Joke by eoghain616, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged tim vine - Current Score: 44 - Added: 8 months, 5 days ago
| One afternoon a little girl returned from school, and announced that her friend had told her where babies come from. Amused, her mother replied, "Really, sweetie, why don't you tell me all about it?" The little girl explained, "Well... OK... the Mommy and Daddy take off all of their clothes, and the Daddy's thingee sort of stands up, and then Mommy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes, and that's how you get babies." Her mom shook her head, leaned over to meet her, eye to eye and said, "Oh, darling, that's sweet, but that's not how you get babies. That's how you get jewelry." | |
Joke by eoghain616, in Sex and shit > Blow Job - Tagged school , little girl - Current Score: 43 - Added: 8 months, 3 days ago
| How are tornadoes and marriage alike? They both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end you lose your house. | |
Joke by Eoghain616, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged tornadoes , marraige - Current Score: 40 - Added: 10 months, 7 days ago
| Little johnny walks in on his mum and dad having sex "what're you doing?", he asks "umm", says his dad "we're playing poker-she's my wildcard." A day later he walks in on his brother having sex with his girlfriend and again asks "what're you doing? His brother replies "we're playing poker and she's my wildcard" Two days later his dad walks in on little johnny having a wank "what're you doing?", he asks "i'm playing poker., says johnny "well where's your wildcard?" "who needs a wildcard when you've got a good hand." | |
Joke by Eoghain616, in Sex and shit > 2 Girls 1 Cup - Tagged poker , wildcard - Current Score: 37 - Added: 10 months, 7 days ago
| Although born to a Catholic family, Chester had always wanted to be Jewish. As a senior in college, he decided to take the plunge and go through the formal conversion process. He studied Judaism all semester. Finally, he felt he was ready to take the test and complete the conversion. On the appointed day, he arrived at the Rabbi's office, ready to begin. The Rabbi said, "I'm sorry, but before I give you the test, I must discuss my fee, It's $5000." "$5000!" exclaimed Chester, "That's a lot of money. How about $500?" "Congratulations, you pass." said the Rabbi. | |
Joke by eoghain616, in Religion and racism > Rabbi - Tagged catholic , jew - Current Score: 34 - Added: 7 months, 11 days ago
| I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. I thought - he's trying to pull a fast one [Tim Vine] | |
Joke by eoghain616, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged cheetah , tim vine - Current Score: 26 - Added: 8 months, 5 days ago
| This guy arrives at the Pearly Gates. He has to wait to be admitted, while St. Pete leafs through his Big Book. He's checking to see if the guy is worthy of entry or not. Saint Peter goes through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you did lots of good in your life but, you never did anything bad either. Tell you what, if you can tell me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you're in." The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Well, there was this one time when I was drivin' down the highway and I saw a Biker Gang assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on, and sure enough, that's what they were doing. There were about 50 of 'em torturing this chick. Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron from my trunk and walked straight up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the Gang formed a circle all around me. So I ripped the leader's chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, 'Leave this poor, innocent girl alone, you slime! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'" St. Peter, extremely impressed, says, "Really? Wow, when did all this happen?" "Er.. about two minutes ago." | |
Joke by Eoghain616, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged heaven - Current Score: 25 - Added: 9 months, 17 days ago
Custurd spent 1.59ms doing 16 queries and -0.73s processing. She's 14.19% angry.
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