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The best of gangrath's 55 jokes (View All)
| Fifteen blokes chased a Paki through McDonald's. When they caught him, they beat him to death. After the police arrived at the scene, they questioned a witness about why he didn't help He simply responded, "I thought fifteen was enough." |    |
Joke by gangrath, in Religion and racism > Pakistani - Tagged police , white , pakistani - Current Score: 487 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| Teacher to class: "What does your dad do at weekends?". Little Boy: "He's a dancer in a gay bar and sometimes if the money's right he lets punters bang his arse and cum in his gob". Teacher takes him outside, "Is that true?". Little boy: "No miss, it's bollocks. He plays for Derby County but I'm too embarrassed to say". | |
Joke by gangrath, in Jokes with no home > Football - Tagged gay , little jack - Current Score: 254 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| My computer beat me at chess a few days ago. It was no match for me at kickboxing though | |
Joke by gangrath, in Jokes with no home > Computers - Tagged kickboxing , computer - Current Score: 150 - Added: 4 months, 23 days ago
| A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand-dune. "One British SAS soldier is better than ten Taliban". The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice then calls out "One British SAS soldier is better than one hundred Taliban". Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence. The voice calls out again "One British SAS soldier is better than one thousand Taliban". The enraged Taliban Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence. Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men, it's a trap, ...there's actually two of them." | |
Joke by gangrath, in Religion and racism > Taliban - Tagged talin , taliban , sas , terrorists - Current Score: 147 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| What`s got 3 breasts and can't sing? Kylie and Dannii Minogue. | |
Joke by gangrath, in Celebrity and news events > Kylie Minogue - Tagged kylie minogue , dannii minogue , minogue , breasts , cancer , breast cancer , kylie - Current Score: 133 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| Supposedly Real 911 Calls. Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency? Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner. Dispatcher: Do you have an address? Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why? ********************************************* Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency? Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich. Dispatcher: Excuse me? Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it. Dispatcher: Was anything else taken? Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it! ********************************************* Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency? Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it. Dispatcher: This is nine eleven. Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one. Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing. Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid. ********************************************* Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency? Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart Dispatcher: Is this her first child? Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband! ********************************************* And the winner is.......... Dispatcher: 9-1-1 Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from? Caller: I'm at a pay phone North and Foster. Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic? Caller: No Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing? Caller: Running from the Police | |
Joke by gangrath, in Religion and racism > Americans - Tagged stupid , obese , gunslingers - Current Score: 130 - Added: 9 months, 28 days ago
| A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Englishmen are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he says. The two Englishmen just stare at him. "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" The two continue to stare. "Parlare Italiano?" No response, "Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first Englishman turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language...." "Why?" says the other, "That bloke knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good." | |
Joke by gangrath, in Religion and racism > swiss - Tagged swiss , multi-lingual - Current Score: 96 - Added: 10 months, 23 days ago
| Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended. The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor. If you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return. A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some husbands... First floor The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went. Second floor The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?" Third floor This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework." "Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went. Fourth floor This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak." "Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went. Fifth floor The sign on that door said, This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are fucking impossible to please. The exit is to your left, we hope you fall down the stairs. | |
Joke by gangrath, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged women , moaning - Current Score: 93 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| At a recent England football training camp, Wayne Rooney collects the ball and dribbles around Shaun Wright-Phillips, Rio Ferdinand, Micah Richards, Ashley Cole and finally Emile Heskey. Steve McClaren shouts: "Around the fucking CONES Wayne, the fucking CONES" | |
Joke by gangrath, in Celebrity and news events > Wayne Rooney - Tagged rooney , heskey , wright-phillips , ferdinand , mcclaren - Current Score: 90 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| My wife recently told me she has lost some weight. She wasn't too happy when I told her that her arse found it. | |
Joke by gangrath, in Illness and mortality > Obesity - Tagged wife , fat , arse - Current Score: 88 - Added: 4 months, 24 days ago
Custurd spent 1.51ms doing 16 queries and -0.12s processing. She's 5.56% angry.
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