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The best of ged's 17 jokes (View All)
| A bloke sees his ex-wife with her new lover and decides to wind him up so he shouts over "How's the second-hand pussy?" Quick as a flash, her lover replies "Great! After the first three inches, its like brand new." |    |
Joke by ged, in Sex and shit > Pussy - Tagged lover , pussy - Current Score: 147 - Added: 1 month ago
| An American Indian, A Muslim and a cowboy were traveling in the same train car. The American Indian sadly announces, Once we were many, now we are few The Muslim arrogantly brags, Once we were few, now we are many. The relaxed cowboy, boots kicked on the table, trying to nap, lifts his hat, spits his tobacco on the floor, looks at the Muslim and says, We haven't played cowboys and Muslim yet. | |
Joke by ged, in Religion and racism > Muslim - Tagged cowboy , indian , muslim - Current Score: 72 - Added: 2 months ago
| A school teacher holds a pop quiz in class and tells the kids whoever gets an answer right can have Monday off. "Okay children," she says, "who said 'think not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country'?" "Miss miss, I know," shouts a child, "JFK." "Well done, you can have Monday off," says the teacher. "Oh no miss," he replies, "I'm a good Jewish boy and my education is very important to me." "OK class," she says again, "who said, 'one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind'?" "Neil Armstrong, miss," shouts a girl at the front. "Well done Sophie, you can have Monday off," says the teacher. "Oh no miss," Says Sophie, "I'm a good Jewish girl, my education is very important to me." "Very well," says the teacher. "I fucking hate Jews," shouts a voice from the back of the class. "Who said that?" shouts the teacher in disgust. "Adolf Hitler, and I'll see you on Tuesday!" | |
Joke by ged, in Religion and racism > Jews - Tagged school , jews , hitler - Current Score: 50 - Added: 2 months ago
| How do you tell when an Indian boy becomes a man? When the nappy goes from the arse to the head...... | |
Joke by ged, in Religion and racism > Black - Tagged indian , nappy , raghead - Current Score: 37 - Added: 1 month ago
| Three nurses sneak into the morgue and see a man lying on a slab with a giant hard on. The first nurse says, "this is too good to waste," so she hitches up her dress, climbs on and fucks it for all she's worth. When she finishes, nurse number two also decides it's too good to waste, so she too climbs on and fucks with all her might. When she finishes, they both tell nurse number three to have a go, but she refuses saying that she can't because she's on her period. After some thought, she decides that it won't matter, as he's dead anyway, so she mounts him and fucks until she's exhausted. As she finishes and climbs off, the man suddenly sits up. "Oh, we're so sorry," said the nurses, "but we thought you were dead." "I was," said the man, "but, after two jump-starts and a blood transfusion, I'm feeling better than I've felt in years." | |
Joke by ged, in Sex and shit > Itatians - Tagged nurses , corpse , transfusion , wut - Current Score: 35 - Added: 2 months ago
| A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that would service all of his many hens. When he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, "I have just the rooster for you. Henry here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!" So the farmer took Henry back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the hen house, though, he gave Henry a little pep talk. "Henry," he said, "I'm counting on you to do your stuff." And without a word, Henry strutted into the henhouse. Henry was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, until Henry had finished having his way with each hen. But Henry didn't stop there. Henry went into the barn and mounted all of the horses, one by one, and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pig house, where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief cried out, "Stop, Henry! You'll kill yourself!" But Henry continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner. Well, the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Henry lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A vulture was already circling above Henry. The farmer walked up to Henry saying, "Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you've gone and killed yourself. I warned you little buddy." "Shhhhhhh," Henry whispered, "the vulture's getting closer." (Jasper Carrot - "Bantam Cock"...and of course his was set to a tune, which makes it better) | |
Joke by ged, in Sex and shit > 69 - Tagged rooster , farmer , horny , vulture , jasper carrott , bantam cock - Current Score: 29 - Added: 2 months ago
| Paddy is driving home, pissed as a fart. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. A cop car pulls him over because he's swerving all over the road, so Paddy tells him about all of the trees in the road. The cop says, "for fuck's sakes, Paddy, that's your air freshner." | |
Joke by ged, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged paddy , trees , pissed , cop - Current Score: 16 - Added: 2 months ago
| What goes "Klink klink BANG"? Jill Dando putting the milk out. | |
Joke by ged, in Celebrity and news events > 10 Items Or Less - Tagged jill dando , milk - Current Score: 15 - Added: 2 months ago
| Catholicism: if shit happens, I deserve it. Protestantism: shit won't happen if I work harder. Judaism: why does this shit always happen to me? Buddhism: when shit happens, is it really shit? Islam: if shit happens, blame the infidels. Hinduism: this shit happened before. Hare Krishna: shit happens Ramah Lama Ding Dong. Rastafarianism: lets smoke this shit! | |
Joke by ged, in Religion and racism > All Racism - Tagged religion , shit - Current Score: 15 - Added: 2 months ago
| Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. however, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five more years. The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump. The first patient jumps head-first into the pool and breaks both arms. The second patient jumps and breaks both legs. The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. "Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor. Well Doc," said number three, "I can't swim!" | |
Joke by ged, in Illness and mortality > Disability - Tagged mental , doctor , swiming pool - Current Score: 10 - Added: 2 months ago
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