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goonerphil's Statistics

User Level: User
Contribution Points: 284 Total Joke Score: 15,459
Country: United kingdom GB Total Time Active: 324 hours, 20 minutes
Total Jokes Submitted: 873 Live Jokes: 342
Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates): 531 Duplicate Jokes: 61


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The best of goonerphil's 342 jokes (View All)
"Three Knifed At Urban Music Awards"

should read...

"Surprisingly Little Violence Amongst a Large Gathering of Blacks" 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by goonerphil in Racism - Black - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago - Current Score: 1140.2

I'm starting a new Portuguese style food venture,
I'm calling it Kate & Gerrys and it's a takeaway. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by goonerphil which requires categorising - Added: 6 months ago - Current Score: 711.2

I've been trying to ring Stephen Hawking all week but he's never fucking in, all I ever get is an automated answer. I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by goonerphil in Celebrities - Stephen Hawking - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago - Current Score: 588.2

I recently bought a surround-sound system for my TV - it is so crisp, clear and lifelike.
My neighbours now think I have the most incredible sex life and can speak eight different languages... 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by goonerphil in Sex and shit - Pornography - Added: 11 months ago - Current Score: 407.2

I just saw a poster with a picture of Madeleine which said "don't forget about madeleine",
shame they didn't have one up in the Tapas bar in Portugal that night.. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by goonerphil which requires categorising - Added: 10 months ago - Current Score: 379.4

Day after day I read or hear about vast numbers of cases of sexual child abuse.
Nothing like that ever happened to me as a kid.

I'm beginning to wonder - was I really that ugly? 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by goonerphil which requires categorising - Added: 7 months ago - Current Score: 372.2

Apparently, on hearing that Barack Obama had won the presidency, his dad's brother exclaimed, "Well I'll be a monkey's uncle..." I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by goonerphil in Celebrities - Barack Obama - Added: 11 months ago - Current Score: 350.4

I think, to show people we are not the sick pervs they think we are, we should all attend the funeral..
If nothing else we're guaranteed that shoolkids will be there. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by goonerphil in Celebrities - Francesca Anobile - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago - Current Score: 345.4

A Chinese friend of mind left a strip of wood in my path and I fell over it,
I can't decide if he did it on purpose or not, although he did say it was a prank.. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by goonerphil which requires categorising - Added: 6 months ago - Current Score: 310.2

A pretty young Gypsy girl knocked on my door asking if I had any old clothing.
I said yes but what would I get in return?
She said I could play with her breasts for a while.
Seemed fair, tit for tat... 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by goonerphil which requires categorising - Added: 10 months ago - Current Score: 310

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