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The best of guest1's 41 jokes (View All)
| I was walking in a cemetery this morning and I spotted a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said, "morning." He replied, "No, just having a shit." |    |
Joke by guest1, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged shit , cemetary , morning , mourning - Current Score: 1414 - Added: 5 months ago
| Following the success of the West Yorkshire Police in finding Shannon Matthews, the Portuguese Police have gone back to the McCann's villa to look under the bed. | |
Joke by guest1, in Celebrity and news events > Shannon Matthews - Tagged shannon , maddie , madeleine , mcann - Current Score: 278 - Added: 5 months, 24 days ago
| The hedgehog made his way down to the riverbank and very slowly walked into the water. As it got deeper, he soldiered on, gasping for breath. Suddenly he disappeared under and was only just able to get back to the bank. After resting for 10 minutes, the hedgehog tried again, after going under twice more he managed to get back to dry land before collapsing. This time it took him longer to recover but once he felt fit enough he started back into the water. Two ducks were watching from the other side of the bank and one said to the other " Come on George, don't you think it's time we told him he was adopted?" | |
Joke by guest1, in Jokes with no home > Animals - Tagged hedgehog , . , water - Current Score: 172 - Added: 5 months, 25 days ago
| Sometimes when you cry no one sees your tears. Sometimes when you are worried no one sees your pain. Sometimes when you are happy no one sees your smile. But you try having a wank on a bus - see how much fucking attention you get. P.S. Can some one please pick me up from the police station in a few hours? | |
Joke by guest1, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged tears , pain , smile , wank , police - Current Score: 160 - Added: 1 month ago
| I was playing a quiz with my step-daughter and her ten-year-old daughter and the question was "what is the biggest organ in the human body?" The ten-year-old answered, "the penis." I thought, "shit, you're going to be disappointed when your mum goes out." | |
Joke by guest1, in Sex and shit > Penis - Tagged organ , disappointed , penis - Current Score: 142 - Added: 5 months ago
| A Scouser rings the local newspaper to place an obituary after the death of his wife. Sadly he only had one pound, which would have only given him three words. He said, "can you write 'Sharon is Dead'?" The guy at the newspaper felt really sorry for him and said, "listen, mate, you can have another four more words at no extra charge." The Scouser said, "nice one, can you write 'Sharon is dead, Ford Fiesta for Sale'?" | |
Joke by guest1, in Illness and mortality > Obituary - Tagged story , skint - Current Score: 140 - Added: 6 months ago
| A man was in the park practising penalty taking. He kicked stright at the net but the ball flew right over the top. "Fuck it, I missed," he cursed. Just then a priest was walking past and on hearing the man's words said to him, "Do not swear, God is listening." "Bugger off," replied the man "what's he going to do anyway, send a thunder ball down to me?" All of a sudden there was a mighty boom from the skies and a huge shaft of fire hurtled to the ground, killing the priest stone dead. "Fuck it, I missed," boomed a voice from above. | |
Joke by guest1, in Religion and racism > Priest - Tagged god , priest , swear - Current Score: 121 - Added: 5 months, 24 days ago
| Am I the only one to notice that Therapist is split into The rapist [SNL Celebrity Jeopardy] | |
Joke by guest1, in Jokes with no home > One Liners - Tagged therapist , spelling , weird - Current Score: 103 - Added: 5 months, 12 days ago
| HAD AN ACCIDENT? Have you been injured at home, at work or on the roads? Have you tripped over? Have you hurt yourself? Serves you right you clumsy twat ! | |
Joke by guest1, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged injured , lawyers , claim - Current Score: 103 - Added: 1 month, 8 days ago
| The man in charge of the luggage at Terminal 5 at Heathrow has been sacked and awaiting trial at court with another 28,000 cases to be taken into account. | |
Joke by guest1, in Jokes with no home > heathrow - Tagged airport , mess , crap - Current Score: 100 - Added: 4 months, 28 days ago
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