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The best of hoofhearted's 17 jokes (View All)
| I went to watch Tottenham Hotspur play last weekend.I stayed right till the end of the match to avoid the traffic. |    |
Joke by HoofHearted, in Celebrity and news events > Tottenham Hotspur - Tagged tottenham hotspur - Current Score: 78 - Added: 1 month, 10 days ago
| Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'? | |
Joke by HoofHearted, in Illness and mortality > Alcoholism - Tagged alcoholic , anonymous - Current Score: 67 - Added: 2 months, 15 days ago
| Gary Glitter wants to be cremated when he dies and his ashes put in an Etch-a-Sketch, so the kids can still play with him. | |
Joke by hoofhearted, in Celebrity and news events > Gary Glitter - Tagged paedophile , nonce , kids - Current Score: 65 - Added: 5 months, 23 days ago
| My money is on Navratilova to win I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. She's been eating Bush Tucker for years. | |
Joke by HoofHearted, in Celebrity and news events > Martina Navratilova - Tagged celebrities - Current Score: 46 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| I was chatting to an American the other day and he was telling me how intelligent he and his fellow Yanks are. So I asked him to name the five biggest States in the U.S.A. if he was so clever. He replied with, "Alaska, Texas, California, Montana, New Mexico." I interrupted and said, "what about Pearl Harbor?" He laughed for ages before replying, "you dumb British bastard, Pearl Harbor isn't a state!" To which I replied, "it fucking was when the Japs had finished!" | |
Joke by hoofhearted, in Religion and racism > Americans - Tagged america , american , pearl harbour - Current Score: 25 - Added: 5 months, 25 days ago
| Matt Lucas, the star of Little Britain, has split with his husband. Was it because he was having sex behind his back? | |
Joke by hoofhearted, in Jokes with no home > Divorce - Tagged little britain , gay , sex , husband - Current Score: 21 - Added: 5 months, 12 days ago
| Two fly's sitting on Shaun Wright-Phillips top lip are getting bored.One is a slow fly and one is a fast fly.The fast fly says "Right let's have a race to stop this boredom.".."where shall we race to?" says the slow fly."We'll race from one side of his lips to the other".The slow fly says "but your faster than me and will easily win,but I'm bored so lets do it." They set off and the fast fly is really motoring,he gets to the other side of the lips and see's the slow fly sitting there relaxing."How the fuck did you get here so quick?" he says.The slow fly replies "well I just took the short-cut round the back of his head". | |
Joke by hoofhearted, in Religion and racism > Pakistani - Tagged shaun , wright-phillips , flys - Current Score: 14 - Added: 8 months, 15 days ago
| Woman and baby go to the doctors.The doctor is concerned about the baby's weight and ask's "Is he bottle fed or breast fed?".Woman replies that he is breast fed.The doctor ask's the woman to strip to her waist.He then pinches her nipples,followed by sucking each one for a minute and then rubbing both tits for several seconds."No wonder the baby is underweight,you've got no milk!"..."I know" replies the woman "I'm his Grandma,but I'm so glad I came today." | |
Joke by HoofHearted, in Jokes with no home > 50 Cent - Tagged woman , baby , grandma - Current Score: 13 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| Paddy and Murphy are piloting a glider when Paddy turns and says, "hey, Murphy, if I turn this plane upside down, will we fall out?" To which Murphy replies, "don't be so stupid, we've been friends for years." | |
Joke by hoofhearted, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged irish , paddy , murphy , plane - Current Score: 10 - Added: 7 months, 5 days ago
| Paddy & Murphy are walking home after a night out and they pass the bus depot."Let's nick a bus!", says Paddy not wanting to walk home.He then offers to keep watch while Murphy breaks in.Twenty minutes later he looks through the gates to see Murphy flapping."I can't find a no.7 anywhere",Murphy yells."You fucking idiot" replies Paddy "Just take a no.9 and we'll walk from the roundabout!". | |
Joke by hoofhearted, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged paddy , murphy , irish - Current Score: 10 - Added: 8 months, 23 days ago
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