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ht's Statistics

User Level: User
Contribution Points: 0 Total Joke Score: 108,009
Country: United kingdom GB Total Time Active: 12 hours, 14 minutes
Total Jokes Submitted: 444 Live Jokes: 285
Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates): 159 Duplicate Jokes: 117


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The best of ht's 285 jokes (View All)
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.

The librarian says; "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
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Joke by ht in Illness and mortality - Suicide - Added: 2 years, 8 months ago - Current Score: 20798.6

What's black and doesn't work?

Half of London.
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Joke by ht in Racism - Black - Added: 2 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 5917.4

Why don't black people go on cruises?

They're not falling for that one again.
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Joke by ht in Racism - Black - Added: 2 years, 8 months ago - Current Score: 5312

A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.

Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."

To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."
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Joke by ht in Sex and shit - Dildo - Added: 2 years, 8 months ago - Current Score: 4436.2

Why I fired my secretary:

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
"Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday."
I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember.
My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast [...]

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Joke by ht in Other - ??? General - Added: 2 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 4130

What do spinach and anal sex have in common?

If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.
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Joke by ht in Crime - Paedophilia - Added: 2 years, 8 months ago - Current Score: 4070

Just been to my first Muslim birthday party. The musical chairs was a bit slow but fuck me the pass the parcel was quick!!! I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by ht in Religion - Muslim - Added: 2 years, 8 months ago - Current Score: 3865

The new barman in the pub is black, so I said to him, "Beer please, nigger."
He hit the roof and said, "Why don't we swap places, let's see how you like it."
So I went round the bar, he walked out then came back in and said, "Beer please, honkey."

I said, "Sorry mate, we don't serve niggers in here."
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Joke by ht in Racism - Pakistani - Added: 2 years, 8 months ago - Current Score: 3607.4

I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted, "Oi, what's your disability?"

I said, "Tourettes! Now fuck off you cunt!"
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Joke by ht in Illness and mortality - Tourettes - Added: 2 years, 8 months ago - Current Score: 3103.4

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" de [...]

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Joke by ht in Sex and shit - Sex - Added: 2 years, 8 months ago - Current Score: 3065

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