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The best of joecorby's 12 jokes (View All)
| I went to the store the other day, I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a policeman writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, 'Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?' He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil necked jerk off. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires! So I called him a horse’s arse, he finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!! This went on for about 20 minutes, the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I could only imagine what the owner of the car will think when he sees all the tickets. |    |
Joke by joecorby, in Jokes with no home > Police - Tagged parking , tickets , injustice , anger , cars , store - Current Score: 192 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| 2 Irish couples decide to spice up their sex lives by swapping partners. Paddy says 'That was fucking great, wonder how the girls got on.' | |
Joke by joecorby, in Sex and shit > mistake - Tagged swapping , partners , gay , irish , paddy , couples - Current Score: 92 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| Paddy pulls alongside a lorry and shouts 'Oi, driver! You're losing your load!' Driver says 'Fuck off!' 5 miles further along, Paddy again shouts ' Oi, you're losing your load!' Driver again says 'Fuck off!' 5 miles further along, Paddy yells 'I'm not joking! Honestly, you are losing your load!' Driver then shouts 'Will you go away you thick Irish cunt, I'm gritting!' | |
Joke by joecorby, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged 2008 - Current Score: 68 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?" "My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbour was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat." -30 | |
Joke by joecorby, in Jokes with no home > Animals - Tagged goldfish , cat , neighbour , buried , jimmy - Current Score: 44 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| After dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for orientation. They are all asked the same question, "When you're lying in your casket, and friends and family are mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say about you?" The first guy immediately responds, "I would like to hear them say that I was one of the great doctors of my time, and a great family man." The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in the children of tomorrow." The last guy thinks for a moment, and then replies, "I guess I'd like to hear them say, 'Oh fuck, he's moving!'" | |
Joke by joecorby, in Illness and mortality > Dead - Tagged heaven , death , friends , alive , funerals - Current Score: 26 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| Bill took his dog to the vet. "Doctor," he said sadly, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail." The vet stepped back, "Bill, why should I do such a terrible thing?" Bill replied, "Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she is welcome." | |
Joke by joecorby, in Jokes with no home > Mother-In-Law - Tagged mother-in-law , dog , vet , animals , tail , unwelcome - Current Score: 18 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| Paddy and his wife are lying in bed one the night and the neighbours dog's barking like fuck in the garden. Paddy says, "Fuck this!" and storms downstairs. Five mins later he comes back upstairs and his wife says, "what did you do?" Paddy says, "I've put the fucker in our garden - let's see how they like it!" | |
Joke by joecorby, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged paddy , neighbour , dog , stupid - Current Score: 15 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| Jack goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "We're short-handed, Jack," the boss replies. "I'm sorry, I can't give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," says Jack, "I knew I could count on you!" | |
Joke by joecorby, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged wife , housework , cleaning , day off , boss - Current Score: 14 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| Two buddies Bob and Earl were two of the biggest baseball fans in America. They went to 60 games a year and even agreed that whoever died first would try to come back and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven. One summer night, Bob passed away in his sleep after watching the Yankee victory earlier in the evening. He died happy. A few nights later, his buddy Earl awoke to the sound of Bob's voice from beyond. "Bob is that you?" Earl asked. "Of course it me," Bob replied. "This is unbelievable!" Earl exclaimed. "So tell me, is there baseball in heaven?" "Well I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which do you want to hear first?" Earl excitedly replies, "Tell me the good news first." "Well, the good news is that yes there is baseball in heaven, Earl." "Oh, that is wonderful! So what could possibly be the bad news?" "You're pitching tomorrow night." | |
Joke by joecorby, in Illness and mortality > Dead - Tagged baseball , death , friends , pitching , good , bad , news - Current Score: 11 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| Jesus and Saint Peter are golfing. St. Peter steps up to the tee on a par three and hits one long and straight. It reaches the green. Jesus is up next. He slices it. It heads over the fence into traffic on an adjacent street. Bounces off a truck, onto the roof of a nearby shack and into the rain gutter, down the drain spout and onto a lilly pad at the edge of a lake. A frog jumps up and snatches the ball in his mouth. An eagle swoops down, grabs the frog. As the eagle flies over the green, the frog croaks and drops the ball. It’s in the hole. Saint Peter looks at Jesus, exasperated. "Are you gonna play golf?" he asks "Or are you just gonna fuck around?" | |
Joke by joecorby, in Religion and racism > Jesus - Tagged jesus , golf , st peter , weird , lucky , slice , unbelievable , annoyed - Current Score: 10 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
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