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johanelmander's Profile Information:

Johan Elmander(b. May 27, 1981 in Alingsås, Sweden) is a Swedish football player, who plays as a forward for Bolton Wanderers of the Premier League having joined in a reported record £10 million deal from French club Toulouse in the Ligue 1 Championship. Elmander has scored eleven goals in 38 games for the Swedish national team, and was chosen to represent his country at the 2006 FIFA World Cup and UEFA Euro 2008.

Nah, not really, just a big Bolton fan


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The best of johanelmander's 24 jokes (View All)

The 90 or so minutes, the teamwork, the scoring, the noise, the passion, the ecstasy, the intensity, the satisfaction after the end of it all

I love gang rape		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by johanelmander, in Sex and shit > Rape - Tagged gang rape , football  - Current Score: 256 - Added: 2 months, 16 days ago

A Muslim walks into a bar.

No-one survived the blast.		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by johanelmander, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged muslim , explosion , bar , terror  - Current Score: 206 - Added: 3 months, 22 days ago

Gordon Brown was looking for a call girl

He found three such girls in a local pub, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.

To the blonde he said, 'I am the Prime Minister of England. Now how much would it cost me to spend some time with you?'

She replied, £200.

To the brunette he asked the same question. Her reply was £100.

He then asked the redhead.

Her reply was, 'Mr. Prime Minister, if you can get my skirt up as high as my taxes, my pants as low as my wages, get that thing of yours as hard as the times we are living in, and keep it rising like the price of petrol, keep me warmer than it is in my flat and fuck me the way you have the pensioners, then it isn't going to cost you a bloody penny!'		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by johanelmander, in Celebrity and news events > Gordon Brown - Tagged gordon brown , call girl  - Current Score: 82 - Added: 3 months, 5 days ago

The Amir Khan kebab was released today

You can have anything you want on it, but you've got to pick it up off the floor		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by johanelmander, in Celebrity and news events > Amir Khan - Tagged kebab , khan , floor  - Current Score: 47 - Added: 2 months, 20 days ago

Zombie films are unrealistic

I mean, if they invade America looking for brains, won't they die out just a bit quicker?		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by johanelmander, in Religion and racism > Americans - Tagged america , zombies , brains , lack of  - Current Score: 37 - Added: 1 month, 20 days ago

When people ask me where I was when 9/11 happened, they're always shocked when I reply "Celebrating"

It's not my fault my birthday falls on the same day...		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by johanelmander, in Celebrity and news events > 9/11 - Tagged 911 , birthday , celebrate  - Current Score: 36 - Added: 3 months ago

After their failure to top the medal table, the Americans are planning to pressure the IOC to make events at London 2012 more American-friendly.

So look forward to drive-by shooting, competitive eating and synchronised incest.		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by johanelmander, in Celebrity and news events > Olympics - Tagged americans , olympics , incest  - Current Score: 30 - Added: 3 months, 8 days ago

You know the economy is bad when the FTSE 100 drops more points than TottenhamI like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by johanelmander, in Celebrity and news events > Tottenham Hotspur - Tagged spurs , ftse , points  - Current Score: 22 - Added: 1 month, 13 days ago

After TK Maxx's ill-fated free penknife with every coat promotion, they have also had to shelve plans to attract Muslims into the store by offering a free bomb with every rucksackI like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by johanelmander, in Celebrity and news events > TK Maxx - Tagged tkmxx , penknife , coat , bomb , rucksack , muslim  - Current Score: 20 - Added: 1 month, 27 days ago

I keep going up to women and try to convince them my semen is magic and has healing properties

They won't swallow it though		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by johanelmander, in Sex and shit > Cum - Tagged semen , magic , wont believe it  - Current Score: 19 - Added: 2 weeks ago

Custurd spent 0.05ms doing 16 queries and 0.07s processing. She's 0.38% angry.
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