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Lovelace's Statistics

User Level: User
Contribution Points: 2 Total Joke Score: 11,695
Country: United kingdom GB Total Time Active: 24 hours, 24 minutes
Total Jokes Submitted: 330 Live Jokes: 128
Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates): 202 Duplicate Jokes: 88


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The best of Lovelace's 128 jokes (View All)
The average bloke thinks about sex once every six tits. I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by Lovelace in Sex and shit - Tits - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago - Current Score: 504

I've just read that men who live in Reykjavik, on average have the biggest penises in the world.

So that's why mums go to Iceland.
I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by Lovelace in Racism - Iceland - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago - Current Score: 458.4

There's a new Supermarket near our house that's recently opened. It's got an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you approach the milk aisle, you hear cows mooing and there's a scent of fresh hay. When you approach the eggs, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying. The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered cor [...]

I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by Lovelace in Other - Shops - Added: 1 year, 9 months ago - Current Score: 392

The Kama Sutra has announced a new sex position called The Plumber: You stay in all day and nobody comes! I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by Lovelace in Sex and shit - Karma Sutra - Added: 2 years, 3 months ago - Current Score: 386

A boy came running into his house to his mum excitedly yelling, "Mum, mum, we're sitting round the neighbour's watching porn!"

Mum: "WHAT!!?"

Boy: "Relax, mum! It's child porn!"
I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by Lovelace in Sex and shit - Pornography - Added: 1 year, 11 months ago - Current Score: 383.8

My boobs aren't small but they would be pointless without nipples. I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by Lovelace in Sex and shit - Tits - Added: 1 year, 7 months ago - Current Score: 378.4

Quick Word Game

Turn "SEAL" into "COAT" in four moves

SEAL
_ _ _ _
_ _ _ _
_ _ _ _
_ _ _ _

COAT

answer:

SEAL

CLUB
CLUB
CLUB
CLUB

COAT
I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by Lovelace in Other - ??? General - Added: 11 months ago - Current Score: 358.2

With all the spam we get for penis-enlargement pills, you'd think by now someone would have invented a pill to shrink vaginas instead. I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by Lovelace in Crime - Domestic Violence - Added: 1 year, 7 months ago - Current Score: 347

Tom and Tim were having gay sex. "I've got AIDS" said Tom.

"Oh fuck," said Tim.

"Only kidding," said Tom, "I just love the way you tightened your arse when I said it."
I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by Lovelace in Crime - Paedophilia - Added: 2 years, 3 months ago - Current Score: 315.2

Where else but Wales can you get a fuck, a nice warm coat AND a casserole all from the same date. I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by Lovelace in Racism - Welsh - Added: 1 year, 10 months ago - Current Score: 242.2

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