[img]http://luckypuppy.bravehost.com/twg15/image.php?twg_album=8+Redneck+Pics&twg_type=small&twg_show=vibrator.jpg&twg_rot=-1[/img]
maddog2840's Statistics
maddog2840 has a score of 514 at the moment.
The score reflects joke quality and moderation rewards.
Send maddog2840 a message
The best of maddog2840's 15 jokes (View All)
| A posh lady board member is being shown around her new hospital by the Matron. In the first room in the ward, she sees a patient furiously wanking in bed. "Good Grief!" She exclaims, "That's disgusting! Why is that man wanking in bed?" "Well," the matron explains, "that man has a rare disease which causes him to make too much semen. If he doesn't relieve himself five times a day, his testicles will explode!" "Oh I see. That poor man," says the lady. Moving on to the second room, they look in to see a patient being given a blow job by a nurse. Shocked, the lady says "This is terrible, what's your explanation for this?" "He's got the same condition as the first man," replies the matron, "but he's with BUPA." |    |
Joke by maddog2840, in Sex and shit > nurses - Tagged nhc , hmo , nhs , bupa - Current Score: 125 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. The 80-year-old says, "I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?" The doctor considers his question for a minute and then begins. "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid trophy hunter and never misses a season. One day, when he was going out hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream of water. He raised his cane and went 'bang, bang'. Suddenly, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?" The 80-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver." The doctor replied, "My point exactly." | |
Joke by maddog2840, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged old , men , young , brides , sex , pegnant - Current Score: 107 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own............so does she. | |
Joke by maddog2840, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged women - Current Score: 93 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman, and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!" "What a coincidence," he said, "This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating." "This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!," says the woman. "What a coincidence," says the man. As they clinked glasses he asked, "What are you celebrating?" "My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynaecologist told me I'm pregnant!" "What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs." "That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?" "I switched cocks," he replied. She smiled and said, "What a coincidence..." | |
Joke by maddog2840, in Sex and shit > Anti Men - Tagged cocks , cockold , hens - Current Score: 59 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young, student nurse appears in his room to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other. Then she takes a close look. On first glance there seems to be nothing wrong. But she doesn't want to make a mistake. Just to be sure, she switches hands and does a thorough inspection. Finally she is satisfied. She says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir! They look white to me!" The man pulls off his oxygen mask, hesitates for a moment to make sure he can breathe properly. Then he smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but I'm not sure you understood me. I said, 'Are my test results back?'" | |
Joke by maddog2840, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged testicles - Current Score: 46 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| Hillary for President Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her first night in the White House. The ghost of George Washington appears, and Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Washington says, "Never tell a lie." Ouch! Says Hillary, I don't know about that. The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears... Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Jefferson says, "Listen to the people." Ohhh! I really don't want to do that. On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears... Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Lincoln says, "Go to the theater." | |
Joke by maddog2840, in Celebrity and news events > Hillary Clinton - Tagged bush , lincoln , president - Current Score: 21 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| What do you call a Mexican who can swim? A Texan. | |
Joke by maddog2840, in Religion and racism > Mexicans - Tagged texans , mexican - Current Score: 15 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| The Worried Bride A young bride is sitting on her bed, worried to death. "What's the matter?", asks her mother. "It's the Honeymoon, Mom. Tom thinks I'm a virgin. You and I both know I've been with so many men." "Yes Dear", Said her Mom. "To tell the truth, I had the same problem when I married your father." "What ever did you do?" "Well, before I joined you Father in bed, I asked for some private time in the bathroom." "The bathroom? Why the bathroom?" "I took the raw piece of liver, that your Grandmother gave me and put it in my vagina. It made me as tight as a virgin for my wedding night and afterwards it didn't matter." The young woman took her Mother's advice and there followed a glorious wedding night. The next morning the Bride found herself alone in bed and a note was pinned to her Groom's pillow. It read: My Darling, Last night was the best sex I have ever had. You are everything a man could wan't in a wife. I Love you with all my heart and always will. But darling I can't live with the thought that I have disfigured you for life. Forgive me darling, but Good-Bye Forever. All My Love, Tom P.S.: I left your pussy in the sink. | |
Joke by maddog2840, in Sex and shit > Brides - Tagged bride , sick - Current Score: 14 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| A trucker drives into San Antonio and pulls up in front of this whore house. He walks up to the counter and says to the man standing behind it, "I've been hearing on the CB that you have the toughest piece of pussy in San Antonio." "That's right, we do." replies the man. "Can I buy a beer here?" asks the trucker. "No, but you can get some at the convenience store across the street." After the trucker pays, the man says, "You go out the door and around to the right. Go up the stairs and you'll find her behind the door." The trucker goes across the street, buys a couple of 40's and heads up the stairs. He knocks on the door and from within he hears a raspy old voice. "GET THE FUCK IN HERE!" As the trucker steps into the room he sees a crusty old hooker laying naked on the bed. "Are you the toughest piece of pussy in San Antonio?", he asks her. Without saying a word, the hooker rolls over and spreads her ass cheeks exposing a nasty brown eye. "I said pussy", says the trucker, "I don't want your ass." "I heard you the first time shithead, I just thought you'd want to open them beers before we start." | |
Joke by maddog2840, in Sex and shit > Prostitution - Tagged old , hooker , sick , tough , pussy - Current Score: 10 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| What's worse than a male chauvinist pig? A woman who does not do what she's told. | |
Joke by maddog2840, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged women , chauvinist , pig - Current Score: 7 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
Server: Custurd in 0.59s using 16 queries. She's 2.93% angry.
Sickipedia v2.1 - a cr3ative media® project. © '05-09 Rob Manuel