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The best of meathmick82's 9 jokes (View All)
| A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an Englishman on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives. "Last night I made love to my wife four times," the Frenchman bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me." "Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the Italian responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelette and told me she could never love another man." When the Englishman remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, "and how many times did you make love to your wife last night?" "Once," he replied. "Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted. "And what did she say to you this morning?" "Don't stop." |    |
| A man asks his friend, "what's the most common French expression?" His friend scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders and replies, "I give up!" | |
Joke by meathmick82, in Religion and racism > French - Tagged france , surrender - Current Score: 145 - Added: 1 month, 17 days ago
| My wife said to me yesterday that I'm immature and childish. I replied to her, "if I'm a child that means you're a paedophile, and I'll be damned if I'm going stand here and take this from a pervert." | |
Joke by meathmick82, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged pervert , marraige , family guy - Current Score: 35 - Added: 2 months, 23 days ago
| This guy is sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making bully steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The bully says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Tell ya what; I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man crying." "No, it's not that. Today day is the worst of my life. First, I overslept and was late to an important meeting. My boss was outraged and fired me. When I left the building to go to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said they could do nothing. I got a cab to return home, paid the cab driver, and the cab drove off. It was then I found that I left my wallet in the cab. I finally got home only to find my wife was in bed with another man. I left home and came to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up...... and drink my poison..." | |
Joke by meathmick82, in Illness and mortality > Suicide - Tagged bar - Current Score: 32 - Added: 3 months, 14 days ago
| How many generations does it take to learn ingratitude? Trois. | |
Joke by meathmick82, in Religion and racism > French - Tagged france - Current Score: 14 - Added: 1 month, 17 days ago
| Reasons Why Women Are Like Football Pitches. 1.There is a vast difference in grounds with regards to length and width, thus varying the quality of the play. 2. Pitches vary from the well-grassed to the completely bald. 3. Remember it is possible to score at both ends, but one end per 45 minutes is favourable. 4. Tackling from behind is not always an offence - check with ground owner. 5. Be careful, as after a few pints a ground appears to be of Premiership standard but in reality would not even be eligible as a council dumping ground. 6. Only some grounds offer five-a-side facilities. 7. Don't ever make public your desires to play at Wembley,also,never mention pitches previously visited. 8. Extra time is dependent on subsequent pitch bookings. 9. If the ground does not seem to have under-soil heating suggest calling the game off, possibly even contact coroner. 10. When building a team it is always nice to finish with Seaman at the back. 11. Wet pitches allow for long sliding tackles. 12. Always tread carefully when leaving the pitch and entering the tunnel. 13. Personal morals may be compromised by local derbies. 14. It is illegal to play on small, unturfed pitches. 15. From time-to-time the goal may be obstructed by a highly absorbent goalie. 16. Russian grounds are frequently more grassy. 17. Very few grounds are found with executive boxes. 18. Be wary of grounds with room for coaches. 19. Always be on the look out for grounds that host ladies football two evenings a week. | |
Joke by meathmick82, in Sex and shit > Vagina - Tagged football - Current Score: 10 - Added: 6 days ago
| They call it 'PMS' because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken. | |
Joke by meathmick82, in Sex and shit > Tampons - Tagged women , pms , periods - Current Score: 8 - Added: 3 months, 14 days ago
| A guy travelling through the prairies of the USA stopped at a small town and went to a bar. He stood at the end of the bar and lit up a cigar. As he sipped his drink, he stood there quietly blowing smoke rings. After he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air, an angry American Indian approached him and said, "now listen buddy, if you don't stop calling me that I'll kick your head in!" | |
Joke by meathmick82, in Jokes with no home > Bar Jokes - Tagged usa , indian , smoke - Current Score: 8 - Added: 3 months, 11 days ago
| "According to the latest poll, if George W. Bush were to run for president today he would lose to the Democratic candidate. And today George W. Bush said 'Again?'" | |
Joke by meathmick82, in Celebrity and news events > George Bush - Tagged election - Current Score: 2 - Added: 3 weeks ago
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