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The best of mediator's 18 jokes (View All)
| Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!" |    |
Joke by mediator, in Sex and shit > 2 Girls 1 Cup - Tagged sunday school , little johnny , pin - Current Score: 155 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude, but eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class and, with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period," reported Johnnie. "Well, I can see that," she said, "but what is so exciting about a period." "Buggered if I know," said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mummy fainted and the man next door shit himself." | |
Joke by mediator, in Sex and shit > Period - Tagged period , pregnant , sister - Current Score: 118 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| Little Johnny's father asked him, "Do you know about the birds and the bees?" "I don't want to know!" little Johnny said, bursting into tears. Confused, the father asked little Johnny what was wrong. "Oh dad," Little Johnny sobbed, "At age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech. Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really fuck, I've got nothing left to live for!" | |
Joke by mediator, in Sex and shit > 2 Girls 1 Cup - Tagged santa , tooth fairy , fuck , birds and bees - Current Score: 116 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer." A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!" The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer." The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!" The judge stops and says to the guy in the back of the courtroom, "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime. But no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?" The guy in the back of the court stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honour, but for fifteen years, I've lived next door to that bastard, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one." | |
Joke by mediator, in Jokes with no home > court - Tagged judge , hammer - Current Score: 113 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and Elvis? More people believe Elvis is still alive. | |
Joke by mediator, in Celebrity and news events > A Levels - Tagged elvis presley , madeleine mccann , madeleine , maddie - Current Score: 90 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| What did Madeleine McCann ask for for her 4th birthday? Better parents. | |
Joke by mediator, in Celebrity and news events > A Levels - Tagged madeleine mccann , birthday - Current Score: 73 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| Why do Scotsmen have blue willies? Because they are tight fisted wankers. | |
Joke by mediator, in Religion and racism > Scottish - Tagged scotsmen - Current Score: 69 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| Q: Ever hear of the Gary Glitter burger? A: It's 60 year old meat in ten year old buns. | |
Joke by mediator, in Celebrity and news events > Gary Glitter - Tagged gary glitter , pedofilia - Current Score: 61 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| One day a hooker went to file her taxes, and for occupation she put prostitution. The tax collector explained that prostitution was an illegal occupation. She said she'd have to go home and think about it and that she'd call him back in a hour with her occupation. An hour later she called him and said, "I've got it... I'm a chicken farmer." He said, "How do you get chicken farmer out of prostitution." She said, "I raised over a thousand cocks last year." | |
Joke by mediator, in Sex and shit > Prostitution - Tagged prostitution , tax - Current Score: 40 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early? The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early. The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date. The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss! Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house. The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them. "No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday!" | |
Joke by mediator, in Celebrity and news events > viagra - Tagged blonde , brunette , redhead , women - Current Score: 39 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
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