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The best of milo123's 22 jokes (View All)
| I went to see Chubby Brown at the weekend. As soon as he came on stage I started shouting, "You fat bastard! You fat bastard!" Then I was told by security that that sort of behaviour wasn't tolerated at the Labour party conference. |    |
Joke by milo123, in Celebrity and news events > Gordon Brown - Tagged chubby , brown , gordon , fat , bastard - Current Score: 860 - Added: 2 months, 8 days ago
| The University Professor was talking his class through 'double negatives'. He started by explaining that NOT NOT was a double negative and therefore had a positive outcome. "In every language a double negative will have a positive meaning, however there is no language in the world where a double positive has a negative meaning." Just then a voice from the back of the lecture hall was heard to mutter, "Yeah, Right!!" | |
Joke by milo123, in Jokes with no home > English Language - Tagged double , negative , yeah , right , meaning , lecture - Current Score: 161 - Added: 2 months, 28 days ago
| I sympathise with everyone who lost money in Iceland. I dropped a two pound coin between two freezers and never got it back. | |
Joke by milo123, in Celebrity and news events > Iceland - Tagged iceland , money , lose - Current Score: 155 - Added: 1 month, 20 days ago
| I went to my local supermarket and they offered me a 'bag for life' - I said "No thanks, I'm already married." | |
Joke by milo123, in Jokes with no home > Shaggy Dog Story - Tagged supermarket , bag , life - Current Score: 103 - Added: 9 months, 6 days ago
| The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'" A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher; ...she's dead." | |
Joke by milo123, in Illness and mortality > Dead - Tagged teacher , children , photo - Current Score: 82 - Added: 10 months, 28 days ago
| My son came home from school yesterday and said that because he forgot his kit the teacher made him do the lesson wearing just his pants. I thought that was a bit harsh for a history class. | |
Joke by milo123, in Jokes with no home > School - Tagged pants , teacher , school , kit , forgot - Current Score: 50 - Added: 3 weeks ago
| John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last request, dear," he said. "Of course, John," his wife said softly. "Six months after I die ," he said, "I want you to marry Bob." "But I thought you hated Bob," she said. With his last breath John said, "I can't stand him..." | |
Joke by milo123, in Illness and mortality > Dying - Tagged dying , marriage - Current Score: 45 - Added: 10 months, 28 days ago
| Two parents take their son on a holiday and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. The son comes running up to his mum and says "Mummy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mum says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Minutes later he runs back and says, "Mummy, I saw men with willies a lot bigger than Daddy's!" The mum says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says, "Mummy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!" | |
Joke by milo123, in Sex and shit > Nudist - Tagged nude , beach , boobs , mummy , daddy - Current Score: 43 - Added: 10 months, 27 days ago
| A man calls up the stairs to his wife, "Darling, has the postman come yet?" She replies,"No, but he's panting and sweating a lot." | |
Joke by milo123, in Sex and shit > Adultery - Tagged postman , husband , wife , sex , stairs - Current Score: 39 - Added: 6 months, 3 days ago
| A man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his family: a weeping wife and four children. Three of the children are tall, good looking and athletic; but, the fourth and youngest is an ugly runt. "Darling wife," the husband whispers, "assure me that the youngest child really is mine. I want to know the truth before I die, I will forgive you if ..." The wife gently interrupts him. "Yes, my dearest, absolutely, no question, I swear on my mother's grave that you are his father." The man then dies, happy. The wife mutters under her breath: "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three." | |
Joke by milo123, in Illness and mortality > Children - Tagged children , death , wife , ugly - Current Score: 37 - Added: 10 months, 27 days ago
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