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nufcdude's Statistics

User Level: User
Contribution Points: 265 Total Joke Score: 21,731
Country: United kingdom GB Total Time Active: 176 hours, 13 minutes
Total Jokes Submitted: 826 Live Jokes: 246
Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates): 580 Duplicate Jokes: 51


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The best of nufcdude's 246 jokes (View All)
If I had a penny for every time someone said I have OCD, I'd have 967274 pence. I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by nufcdude in Illness and mortality - O.c.d. - Added: 4 months ago - Current Score: 1114.6

My son is a lazy bastard always sitting on his arse.
I've got half a mind to confiscate his wheelchair. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by nufcdude in Illness and mortality - Disability - Added: 7 months ago - Current Score: 842.6

A white lie: "No dear, your bum doesn't look big in those jeans".

A black lie: "I didn't steal no mother fuckin' car". 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by nufcdude in Racism - Pakistani - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago - Current Score: 535.8

My son was diagnosed with AIDS.

Understandably I was absolutely devastated.

My own son, a filthy homo. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by nufcdude in Illness and mortality - Aids - Added: 10 months ago - Current Score: 526

My daughter is quite smart for her age.

She knew it wasn't a sausage at all. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by nufcdude in Crime - Paedophilia - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago - Current Score: 520.6

I went for an AIDS test at the doctors.

But apparently, you can't get it from shaking a black man's hand. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by nufcdude in Racism - Black - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago - Current Score: 509.2

I've just been sent to prison so I won't be having sex for a few months.

I hope. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by nufcdude in Sex and shit - Prison Sex - Added: 2 weeks ago - Current Score: 492.2

I watched The Terminator last night.
I was quite disappointed, there wasn't a single abortion! 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by nufcdude in Sex and shit - Abortion - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago - Current Score: 486

My wife asked me, "Do I look fat in these knickers?"

What fucking knickers? 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by nufcdude in Illness and mortality - Obesity - Added: 2 months ago - Current Score: 481

My wife has two weeks left to live.

Then I'm going to stab her. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by nufcdude in Illness and mortality - Murder - Added: 10 months ago - Current Score: 464.4

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