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The best of pdf1's 50 jokes (View All)
| Victoria Beckham has announced she had an affair with Michael Jackson. Jacko has denied the allegations as he claims he was in Brooklyn at the time. |    |
Joke by pdf1, in Sex and shit > Paedophilia - Tagged michael jackson , paedophile , victoria beckham - Current Score: 231 - Added: 1 year ago
| There's an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman all talking about their teenage daughters.The Englishman says, "I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day and I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smoked." The Scotsman says, "that's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I came across a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank." With that the Irishman says, "both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found a packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a cock." | |
Joke by pdf1, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged irish , daughter , cock - Current Score: 197 - Added: 1 year ago
| These three lads are drinking in a pub when this bloke comes in and starts drinking at the bar. After a while the bloke goes up to the group of lads, points at the one in the middle and says, in a drunken slur, "I've shagged your Mum." The three lads look bewildered and the bloke goes back to drinking at the bar. Ten minutes later he comes back and announces, "your Mum has sucked my penis." The three lads try and ignore him and he goes back to the bar. After another ten minutes he comes back and shouts, "I've had your Mum up the arse." By now the lads have had enough and the one in the middle stands up and says, "look, Dad, you're pissed. Now fuck off home." | |
Joke by pdf1, in Sex and shit > Parents - Tagged dad , drunk , sex - Current Score: 156 - Added: 11 months ago
| What did the Jewish paedophile say to the little boy after he got in the car? "Hey, go easy on the sweets." | |
Joke by pdf1, in Religion and racism > Jews - Tagged jew , paedophile - Current Score: 138 - Added: 1 year ago
| At 7am, a lone wife hears a key in the front door. She wanders down, bleary eyed, to find her husband in the kitchen with ruffled hair and lipstick on his collar. 'I assume,' she snarls, 'that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at seven in the morning..?' 'There is,' he replies, 'Breakfast.' | |
Joke by pdf1, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged husband , wife , breakfast - Current Score: 121 - Added: 1 year ago
| A cop is patrolling Lover's Lane when he sees the strangest thing. A young teenage couple is sitting in a car, the guy in the front and the girl in the back. The guy is reading a magazine and the girl appears to be knitting. He stops the patrol car and walks over to knock on the young man's window. He rolls the window down. "Yes officer?" "I have to ask you, what are you doing?" "Well sir, I am reading a magazine." "What about the young lady in the backseat?" The young man turns to look behind him. "Well, I think she is knitting a pullover sweater." "How old are you young man?" the officer asks. "I am 25 Officer." "And the girl?" The young man looks at his watch. "Well, she'll be 16 in 11 minutes." | |
| An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his help in reviving her husband's libido. "What about trying Viagra? asks the doctor. "Not a chance", she said. "He won't even take an aspirin". "Not a problem", replied the doctor. "Give him an "Irish Viagra". It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went". It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to progress. The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! It was terrible! Just terrible, doctor!" "Really? What happened?" asked the doctor. "Well, I did as you advised and slipped it into his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, took me passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!" "Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good"? "Twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But as sure as I'm sitting here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!" | |
Joke by pdf1, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged sex , viagra , old people , starbucks - Current Score: 106 - Added: 11 months ago
| I was surprised to find that there are some black people in my family tree. It turns out they've been hanging there awhile. | |
Joke by pdf1, in Religion and racism > Black - Tagged black , hanging , racist - Current Score: 103 - Added: 1 year ago
| Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor says, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor goes to the elderly couple and asks, "Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?" The old man replies, "No problem at all, Pastor." "Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor. The pastor goes to the middle aged couple and asks, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?" The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes we made it." "Congratulations! Welcome to the church," said the pastor. The pastor then goes to the newlywed couple and asks, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?" "Well Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied. "What Happened?" inquired the pastor. "My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was over come with lust and took advantage of her right there." "You understand of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church." stated the pastor. "That's OK," said the young man, "we're not welcome at Tesco anymore either." | |
Joke by pdf1, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged sex , tesco , church , wife , husband - Current Score: 102 - Added: 1 year ago
| How do you stop little children from playing in your yard? Molest them. | |
Joke by pdf1, in Sex and shit > Paedophilia - Tagged paedophile , children - Current Score: 97 - Added: 1 year ago
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