pluvius has a score of 264 at the moment.
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The best of pluvius's 5 jokes (View All)
| What is the difference between Jam and Jelly? You can't jelly your dick up your girlfriend's arse!! |    |
Joke by pluvius, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged jam , jelly , anal , arse - Current Score: 173 - Added: 6 months, 4 days ago
| A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him and finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up from is coffee, "do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?", he asks solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies. The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?" "Yes, I remember," said his wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continued, "do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'either you marry my daughter or I will send you to jail for 20 years?" "I remember that, too," she replied softly. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have gotten out today." | |
Joke by pluvius, in Jokes with no home > Marriage - Tagged shotgun , wedding , jail - Current Score: 49 - Added: 5 months, 27 days ago
| A patient wakes up after a serious operation in hospital, only to find that all the curtains in his room were drawn. "Why are all the curtains closed?" He asked the doctor, "Well...." said the doctor, "They are fighting a huge fire across the road and we didn`t want you to wake up and think the operation failed" | |
Joke by pluvius, in Illness and mortality > Operation - Tagged operation , hell , doctor - Current Score: 23 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| A doctor in Dublin wanted a day off work to go fishing, so he approached his assistant. 'Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients'. 'Yes, sir!' answers Murphy. The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: 'So,Murphy, how was your day?' Murphy told him that he took care of three patients. 'The first one had a headache, so he did, so I gave him Paracetamol.' 'Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?' asks the doctor. 'The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon, so I did sir' says Murphy. 'Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?' asks the doctor. 'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman borsts in, so she does. Like a bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everyting including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts: 'HELP ME for the love of St Patrick! For five years I have not seen any man!'' "Thunderin Lord Jesus Murphy, what did you do?' asks the doctor. 'I put drops in her eyes.' | |
Joke by pluvius, in Sex and shit > Doctor - Tagged doctor , paddy , murphy , eyes - Current Score: 16 - Added: 6 months, 4 days ago
| Paddy started his new job as a roofer. His foreman, Murphy, watched him as he nailed a slate in place, took out the next nail, looked at and tossed it away, nailed a slate in place, took out the next nail, looked at and tossed it away, nailed a slate in place, took out the next nail, looked at and tossed it away and so on. Murphy asked, "why do you keep throwing dem nails away like dat?" Paddy replied, "coz half of dem got the points at the wrong end!" Murphy replied, "well, don't waste dem like dat, save dem for when we do the ceiling inside." | |
Joke by pluvius, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged roofer , nails , paddy - Current Score: -1 - Added: 4 months, 14 days ago
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