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The best of pottyonetoo's 43 jokes (View All)
| A skydiving instructor is answering questions from a group of first-time jumpers. A nervous beginner asks, "so, if my my chute doesn't open, and the reserve doesn't open either, how long do I have until I hit the ground?" The instructor replies, "you have the rest of your life." |    |
Joke by pottyonetoo, in Illness and mortality > Death - Tagged sky diving , life , dead - Current Score: 165 - Added: 1 month, 22 days ago
| An English teacher said to her pupils, "There are two words I don't allow in my class. One is cool, the other is gross." From the back of the class comes a voice calls out, "So, what are the words?" | |
Joke by pottyonetoo, in Jokes with no home > Teacher - Tagged cool , gross , teacher , school , classroom - Current Score: 162 - Added: 1 month, 21 days ago
| When my wife starts singing , I make her go out in the front garden. So the neighbours don't think I'm beating her. | |
Joke by pottyonetoo, in Jokes with no home > Wife - Tagged wife , singing , beating - Current Score: 118 - Added: 1 month ago
| Had sex for the first time with the new girlfriend the other night. Afterwards, she had the cheek to say I was lousy in bed. That's fucking ridiculous! How can she have any sort of qualified opinion after only fifteen seconds? | |
Joke by pottyonetoo, in Sex and shit > Girlfriend - Tagged first time , sex , lousy , seconds - Current Score: 85 - Added: 2 months, 21 days ago
| A man was walking down the street, when suddenly he was hit by a car. A policeman that attended the scene said to the injured man, " Did you get a look at the driver?" "No. " said the man, "but I can tell you it was my wife." "How's that ?"asked the policeman. And the man said, " I'd recognise her laugh anywhere." | |
Joke by pottyonetoo, in Illness and mortality > A Man Was...... - Tagged police , accident , laugh , wife - Current Score: 81 - Added: 1 month ago
| A wife was trying to explain the purchase of some expensive underwear to her husband. "After all, dear," she said, "you wouldn't expect to find fine perfume in a cheap bottle, would you?" "No," the husband replied, "and I wouldn't expect to find gift wrapping on a dead beaver either!" | |
Joke by pottyonetoo, in Sex and shit > Underwear - Tagged beaver , dead , expensive - Current Score: 79 - Added: 2 months ago
| Tom and Evan went on a trip to London to see the Cup Final. Having some spare time on their hands, they decided to visit Soho. Whilst looking around at things they had never seen the like of before, they became separated. As kick-off approached, Tom set off in search of his pal. After a while, Tom was tapped on the shoulder by a prostitute. "Are you looking for something, love?" she asked, wriggling her hips provocatively. "That's kind of you, dear. Yes, I am as a matter of fact," said Tom, "I'm looking for Evan." "You've come to the right place," purred the prostitute. "Follow me." Tom happily went with the girl, who took him to her flat above a seedy book shop. As they went in, the girl lay on the bed and pouted at Tom, patting the mattress beside her. "I don't see any sign of Evan," said Tom, disappointedly. The girl lifted up her skirt and opened her legs to reveal she was wearing no knickers. "There's heaven for you," she whispered. "Oh no, you're wrong there," said Tom, "Evan is a much bigger cunt than that!" | |
Joke by pottyonetoo, in Sex and shit > Prostitution - Tagged cunt , prostitute , soho , cup final - Current Score: 70 - Added: 2 months ago
| I call my new girlfriend Titanic. Not because she's big. It's because she went down on the first night. | |
Joke by pottyonetoo, in Sex and shit > Blow Job - Tagged titanic , down - Current Score: 69 - Added: 3 days ago
| If "I am," is the shortest sentence in the world, what's the longest sentence? "I do!" | |
Joke by pottyonetoo, in Jokes with no home > Wordplay - Tagged shortest , longest - Current Score: 65 - Added: 2 months ago
| I used to go out with a Siamese twin, but after a while I started fucking her sister behind her back! | |
Joke by pottyonetoo, in Sex and shit > 69 - Tagged siamese twins , fucking - Current Score: 30 - Added: 2 months, 21 days ago
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