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The best of rampant's 16 jokes (View All)
| Treat life's problems like your dog would. If you can't eat it or fuck it, just piss on it & walk away. |    |
Joke by rampant, in Jokes with no home > Animals - Tagged annimal , dog , piss , fuck - Current Score: 129 - Added: 8 months ago
| SCHOOL 1977 vs. SCHOOL 2007 Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack. 1977 - Vice principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his own shotgun to show Jack. 2007 - School goes into lockdown, the F.B.I. are called, Jack is hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counsellors are called in to assist traumatised students and teachers. Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school. 1977 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies. 2007 - Police are called, SWAT team arrives and arrests Johnny and Mark. They are charged with assault and both are expelled even though Johnny started it. Scenario: Jeffrey won't sit still in class, disrupts other students. 1977 - Jeffrey is sent to the principal's office and given a good paddling. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again. 2007 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra provincial funding because Jeffrey has a disability. Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbours car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt. 1977 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman. 2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mum has an affair with the psychologist. Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some Aspirin to school. 1977 - Mark shares Aspirin with the school principal out on the smoking dock. 2007 - Police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. His car is searched for drugs and weapons. Scenario: Pedro fails high-school English. 1977 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college. 2007 - Pedro's cause is taken up by local human rights group. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that making English a requirement for graduation is racist. Canadian Civil Liberties Association files class action lawsuit against provincial school system and Pedro's English teacher. English is banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English. Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover Canada Day firecrackers, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up an anthill. 1977 - Ants die. 2007 - Canadian Firearms Centre and the RCMP are called and Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. CSIS investigates parents, siblings are removed from the home, computers are confiscated, and Johnny's dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again. Scenario: Johnny falls during recess and scrapes his knee. His teacher, Mary, finds him crying, and gives him a hug to comfort him. 1977 - Johnny soon feels better and goes back to playing. 2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces three years in federal prison. Johnny undergoes five years of therapy | |
Joke by rampant, in Jokes with no home > Advice - Tagged school 1977 v school 2007 - Current Score: 75 - Added: 10 months ago
| What does a catholic priest have in common with a pint of guiness? Black coat, white collar & you need to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one. | |
Joke by rampant, in Religion and racism > Catholicism - Tagged priest , religion , anal , sex - Current Score: 75 - Added: 4 months ago
| An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "what is this Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out. The father said quietly to his son, "go and get your mother." | |
Joke by rampant, in Religion and racism > Amish - Tagged amish , elevator - Current Score: 64 - Added: 9 months ago
| ----- The British Solution to Save Petrol Brown wants us to cut the amount of petrol we use...... The best way to stop using so much petrol is to deport 3 million illegal immigrants! That would be 3 million less people using our petrol. The price of petrol would come down..... Bring our troops home from Iraq to guard the Channel.... When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the Channel, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Iraq . Tell him if he wants to come to Britain then he must serve a tour in the military.... Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it..... After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country..... He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal resident..... . This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Iraq and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves.. ..... If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo..... Problem solved..... If you think this is a good solution to both the problems, forward it to your friends. ......... I just did......... | |
Joke by rampant, in Religion and racism > Aborigines - Tagged muslim , immigration , iraq - Current Score: 46 - Added: 6 months ago
| A history teacher asks a class full of kids "What was Churchill famous for?" A kid at the back shouts out "He was the last white person to be called Winston!" | |
Joke by rampant, in Sex and shit > Little Johnny - Tagged winston churchill - Current Score: 45 - Added: 10 months ago
| Following England's poor performance, the FA have had to take serious action and have decided upon the best course of punishment: Deducting Leeds United another 15 points. | |
Joke by rampant, in Jokes with no home > Sports - Tagged football , fa , england , leeds united - Current Score: 34 - Added: 9 months ago
| Read slowly and carefully... The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as 'Euro-English'. In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'. During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer , ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas. If zis mad you smil, pas on to oza pepl. | |
Joke by rampant, in Jokes with no home > English Language - Tagged english , german , eu , improvement - Current Score: 31 - Added: 8 months ago
| A Welsh farmer walking through his field, notices a man drinking out of a pond. The Welsh farmer shouted: "Paid a yfed a dwr, mae'r gwartheg wedi cachu ynddo fe." Which in Welsh means: "Don't drink the water the cows have shit in it." The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I don't understand. Please speak in English." The Irish farmer says: "Use two hands, it holds more"!!! | |
Joke by rampant, in Religion and racism > Muslim - Tagged muslim - Current Score: 27 - Added: 10 months ago
| A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a Young woman with three small children running around at her feet. He says, "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?" She says, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time." "And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?" "We use it for sex." The researcher was a little taken back. "Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's Bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you Use it for sex?" The woman says, "I don't mind telling you at all... My husband and I put it on the door knob and it keeps the kids out." | |
Joke by rampant, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged sex , kids , vasoline - Current Score: 22 - Added: 8 months ago
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