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The best of roandy's 14 jokes (View All)
| The other week I made a joke about Alzheimer's live on TV. You should have seen the envelopes I got. |    |
Joke by roandy, in Illness and mortality > Alzheimers - Tagged jasper carrot , tv , alzheimers - Current Score: 339 - Added: 7 months ago
| Actors are often advised never to work with children or animals. Especially in the porn industry. | |
Joke by roandy, in Sex and shit > Pornography - Tagged actors , children , animals , porn - Current Score: 315 - Added: 7 months, 12 days ago
| Some phrases for 2008 * SALAD DODGER. An excellent phrase for an overweight person. * SWAMP-DONKEY A deeply unattractive person. * TESTICULATING. Waving your arms around and talking bollocks. * BLAMESTORMING. Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. * SEAGULL MANAGER. A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. * CUBE FARM. An office filled with cubicles. * SITCOMs. Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a 'home business'. * SINBAD. Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate. * AEROPLANE BLONDE. One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'. * 404. Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message '404 Not Found' meaning that the requested document could not be located. * AUSSIE KISS. Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under. * OH-NO SECOND. That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all'). * GREYHOUND. A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare. * MILLENNIUM DOMES. The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing. * MONKEY BATH . A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: 'Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!'. * MYSTERY BUS. The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in. * MYSTERY TAXI. The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead. * BEER COAT. The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise At 3:00am. * BEER COMPASS. The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you've come from. * TRAMP STAMP Lower back tattoo on a female * PICASSO BUM. A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocks * LAST TIME BUYER A person buying a retirement home. * BOBFOC A Woman who looks great from behind but hideous from the front: "Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch" | |
Joke by roandy, in Jokes with no home > Phrases - Tagged phrases , tags , handles , people - Current Score: 194 - Added: 7 months, 15 days ago
| What do you get if you cross a Millwall fan with a Jehovah's Witness? Someone who knocks on the door and tells you to fuck off. | |
Joke by roandy, in Jokes with no home > Football - Tagged millwall , jehovahs witness - Current Score: 152 - Added: 9 months ago
| The English Channel is generally considered to be the most hazardous stretch of water in the world. Apart from the shallow end of Michael Barrymore's pool. | |
Joke by roandy, in Celebrity and news events > Michael Barrymore - Tagged pool , shallow end , water , fag , drown - Current Score: 132 - Added: 7 months, 2 days ago
| Has anyone seen the Knock-off Nigel ad on TV? That's fucking terrible. The poor sod has to work with a couple of niggers. | |
Joke by roandy, in Jokes with no home > Adverts - Tagged advert , nigger , tv , knockoff nigel - Current Score: 120 - Added: 4 months, 7 days ago
| The spot where Marc Bolan died has, over the years, grown into a shrine to his memory with fans from all over the world leaving flowers and momentos. A recent meeting of the local council decided it would be appropriate to place a permanent memorial at the site. After due consideration it was decided to erect a simple sign. On one side it reads "This sign commemorates the spot where Marc Bolan met his tragic death". The other side says WARNING - TREE. | |
Joke by roandy, in Illness and mortality > A Man Was...... - Tagged marc bolan , warning , tree , sign , car-crash - Current Score: 108 - Added: 6 months, 20 days ago
| I bought a German car the other day. My Dad told me he couldn't believe I'd do that after what my Grandfather had been through. Apparently, during the war, my Grandfather had a series of unreliable German cars. | |
Joke by roandy, in Religion and racism > German - Tagged war , cars , grandfather , jack dee - Current Score: 98 - Added: 6 months, 28 days ago
| Man United have announced they are dedicating their Champions league victory to the man who immortalised the Busby Babes. The pilot. | |
Joke by roandy, in Celebrity and news events > Man Utd - Tagged champions league , munich , man utd , runway , slip , crash - Current Score: 79 - Added: 6 months, 10 days ago
| 25 million jews murdered between 1933 and 1945. Carlsberg don't do holocausts... | |
Joke by roandy, in Religion and racism > Holocaust - Tagged carlsberg , jews , nazi , holocaust , advertising - Current Score: 78 - Added: 6 months, 15 days ago
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