just a sick puppy
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The best of sickfuck's 40 jokes (View All)
| What's the biggest cause of paedophilia in this country? Sexy kids. |    |
Joke by sickfuck, in Sex and shit > Paedophilia - Tagged kids , paedophile , paedophilia - Current Score: 1082 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm. His wife is lying in bed reading. Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache." Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep." Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep." | |
Joke by sickfuck, in Sex and shit > Women - Tagged man , sheep , sex , pig - Current Score: 841 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| A man was walking along the beach one day, when he happened to pass by a very lovely young woman that didnt have any arms or legs, gently sobbing to herself... 'Why the tears?' he asked. She says, 'I'm 18 years old and i've never been kissed.' The man pauses for a moment, then smiles and gives her a soft kiss on the head. She laughs a little and puckers up so he gives her a big kiss on the lips. They pause for an unsure moment and then shes says 'You know... i'm 18 years old... and i've never been fucked!' The man stands up starts smiling and grabs the young woman by the hair and tosses her into the sea. She starts screaming and bobbing up and down, then the man shouts; 'WELL YOU'RE FUCKED NOW DARLING!' | |
Joke by sickfuck, in Illness and mortality > Disability - Tagged wheelchair , sex , virgin , disabled - Current Score: 582 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| A woman has been in a coma for 3 months, showing no signs of recovery. One day, whilst giving her a bed bath, the nurse notices that there is a flicker on the monitor when they are cleaning her cunt. The doctors send for her husband and tactfully explain the situation suggesting that he tries oral sex to see if it gets a bigger response. So the medical staff draw the curtains to give him some privacy and await developments. After about five minutes all the monitors suddenly go berserk and they rush in to find the woman stone dead. "What happened?" demands a doctor... "Dunno, reckon she mighta choked," comes the reply. | |
Joke by sickfuck, in Illness and mortality > Coma - Tagged sex , coma , oral , doctor , nurse - Current Score: 380 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention. The driver got out.. he was a dwarf. He said, "I'm not happy"... I replied, "Well, which one are you then?" | |
Joke by sickfuck, in Jokes with no home > Dwarfs - Tagged dwarf - Current Score: 342 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| A girl is watching her father shower. She points to his penis and says, "Daddy, when will I get one of those?" He looks at his watch and says, "When your mother leaves for work!" | |
Joke by sickfuck, in Sex and shit > Incest - Tagged incest , paedo , paedophilia , father , parents , child - Current Score: 324 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| This prisoner escapes after 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and food, and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair and he ties the wife to the bed, and gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He's probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain and do what he tells you, no matter how much he ravages you. This guy is probably really dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which the wife responds, "he wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, and thought you were cute. He asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom, so I told him where to find it. Be strong, darling. I love you, too." | |
Joke by sickfuck, in Sex and shit > Gay - Tagged husband , wife , vaseline , prisoner , gay , rape - Current Score: 298 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| A lad comes home from school and asks, "Dad, what's a cunt?" His Dad slaps him and tells him not to be so rude, but the lad begs him as his mates are all taking the piss out of him for not knowing. Feeling sorry for him, the dad looks down and says, "follow me son." They walk into the bathroom where the wife is in the bath. "You see that black hairy thing in between your mothers legs, son?" "Yes, Dad," the lad replies. "Well that's a fanny, the rest of her's a cunt" | |
Joke by sickfuck, in Sex and shit > Women - Tagged dad , mum , son - Current Score: 126 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench. The little girl says, "Mummy, what are they doing?" The mother hesitates then quickly replies, "Ummm they are making cakes." The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, "Making cakes." The next day the girl says to her mother, "Mummy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the lounge last night, eh?" Shocked, the mother asks, "How do you know?" She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa." | |
Joke by sickfuck, in Sex and shit > Incest - Tagged sex , mummy , daddy , baking - Current Score: 101 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| A man walk up to a ticket counter in Kings Cross Station. MAN: (In a bunged-up voice) "Firt clah ticket to Nottin'am, plis." TICKET GUY: "Sorry, sir?" MAN: "Firt clah ticket to Nottin'am, plisss!" TICKET GUY: (produces a packet of sweets) "You should try these, sir. New cherry menthol Tunes!" MAN: "Why? Will they cure my Down Syndrome?" | |
Joke by sickfuck, in Illness and mortality > Disability - Tagged downs , train - Current Score: 101 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
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