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smiddy's Statistics

smiddy has a score of 1521 at the moment.
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The best of smiddy's 28 jokes (View All)

I saw a billboard today with a picture of a drunk woman out with friends having a laugh, wearing the skimpiest clothes you have ever seen. And underneath it says "This is not an invitation to rape me".

I beg to differ.
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Joke by smiddy, in Sex and shit > Rape - Tagged rape , advert  - Current Score: 256 - Added: 1 month, 10 days ago

I'm as bored as a midget in a theme park.I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by smiddy, in Illness and mortality > Midget - Tagged midget , theme , park , bored , oneliner  - Current Score: 227 - Added: 6 months, 15 days ago

Today is the 7th anniversary of the terrible "terrorist" attack on the world trade centre, I think we should pay tribute to those who died by bringing everyone together....

and having a jenga tournament
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Joke by smiddy, in Celebrity and news events > 9/11 - Tagged september 11 , 911 world , trade , centre , trade centre , world trade centre  - Current Score: 144 - Added: 2 months, 21 days ago

I think its appalling that everyone's making jokes about Jade Goody having cancer.

Why can't you just be happy?
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Joke by smiddy, in Celebrity and news events > Jade Goody - Tagged jade goody , cancer , happy ending  - Current Score: 137 - Added: 3 months, 13 days ago

This would be the coolest way to kill yourself:
First get a cheese wire and make it into a noose.
Tie it round your neck.
Now before you jump superglue your hands to your head, and wait till the glue sets.
Then jump.
When the police come in they'll think you've tore your own fucking head off.

[Can someone please try this and let me know how they get on]

Oh... was i ment to stand on a chairr or somefing...? srry about spelling, I using my nose totype cos my hands are still fuckin glued to my head!!
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Joke by smiddy, in Illness and mortality > Suicide - Tagged suicide , head , funny  - Current Score: 135 - Added: 4 days ago

My dick's like a paddling pool.

It gets deflated once the kids leave.
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Joke by smiddy, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged paedo , kids , paddling pool , erection  - Current Score: 133 - Added: 2 months, 27 days ago

I wonder why they don't do golf at the Paralymics.

I'm sure they would all have an excellent handicap.
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Joke by smiddy, in Illness and mortality > Handicap - Tagged golf , paralymics , monng , handicap  - Current Score: 124 - Added: 2 months, 13 days ago

Women always say they can do whatever a man can do.

Bet they can't tuck their balls between their legs.
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Joke by Smiddy, in Sex and shit > Balls - Tagged women , men , balls , sexist  - Current Score: 65 - Added: 3 months, 21 days ago

I'm as bored as a paedo in a old folks homeI like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by smiddy, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged paedo , old , folk , bored  - Current Score: 38 - Added: 4 months, 9 days ago

With all this black-on-black guncrime now a days. I think this is the perfect opportunity for our government to launch it's newest campaign.
Free Guns to ethnic minorities
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Joke by smiddy, in Religion and racism > Africans - Tagged black , ethnic cleansing , britain  - Current Score: 30 - Added: 1 month, 12 days ago

Custurd spent 0.19ms doing 16 queries and 0.06s processing. She's 0.73% angry.
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