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The best of smokey's 4 jokes (View All)
| I got a phone call the other day from an old flame of mine. It had been years since we'd spoken and was great to catch up. We were getting on really well and she suggested that we should meet up "for old time's sake". I was well up for it, as I hadn't been getting any for a while. We arranged to meet up the following day. Now, in truth I'd let myself go a bit over the years and so thought I'd come clean. I told her "I'm probably not quite how you remember me. I've started to go bald and have been indulging a little too much in the good life." To which she started to giggle like a schoolgirl and then said to me, "Oh, don't worry! I've put on a few pounds myself!" So I told her to fuck off. |    |
Joke by smokey, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged sexist , women - Current Score: 202 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| A man had been married to his wife for twenty years. As time had passed his sex life had naturally deteriorated but now it was starting to get him down. No longer could he make his wife orgasm. One day the man decided to do something about it so he went to see his doctor. The doctor suggested he add a little romance back into the relationship - a nice meal, candles, mood music and the like. The man was sceptical but that evening he gave it a shot. He really pulled out all the stops but when he came to the bedroom there was again no action from the wife. He went back to see the doctor the next day. The doctor was disappointed the trick hadn't worked but told the man not to worry. The doctor suggested he try again but this time get a young adonis like man to stand beside them and waft them with a towel. At first the man didn't like the sound of it but the doctor persuaded him to give it a go. He found a number for a male escort agency and arranged for their top man to come round that evening. All was going to plan but when they came down to business there was still no climaxing, no matter how much the young man waved the towel. Now as you can imagine this was starting to rile the man no end. He stormed back to the doctors. The doctor was obviously mortified that it hadn't worked so he suggested the man repeat the trick but perhaps this time he swaps roles with the escort. The man was at his wit's end so gave it one last try. That evening the man cooked his wife a fantastic meal. Shortly after they had finished the escort arrived and they headed up to the bedroom. The man took up his position with the towel while his wife and the escort got down to business. Sure enough, within minutes his wife was groaning and writhing with ecstasy. The man was clearly satisfied with his work, so he lent over and whispered in the escort's ear, "You see mate, that's how you wave a fucking towel!". | |
Joke by smokey, in Sex and shit > General - Tagged escort , wife , husband , gigilo - Current Score: 115 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| A young lad and his grandpa go fishing one day. They set up next to the river and sit back in their camping chairs waiting for the fish to start to bite. After a while the grandpa pulls out a pack of cigarettes and lights one up. The kid is really interested and asks his grandpa if he can have one. Grandpa turns to the kid and says 'can you touch your arsehole with your penis?'. The boy replies that he can't. 'Well' says Grandpa, 'then you're not old enough yet'. Another hour or so goes by and then Grandpa pulls out a can of beer. Again the boy is interested and asks if he could have some. The Grandpa repeats his earlier question and says that he isn't old enough yet. A little while later the boy opens his tackle box and takes out a packet of sweets. Grandpa looks over and thinks that he would like one. 'Can I have one of your sweets son?' The Kid looks at Grandpa and says to him, 'can you touch your arsehole with your penis?'. 'I most certainly can!' says Grandpa. To which the boy replies, 'well then go fuck yourself you old bastard'. | |
Joke by smokey, in Illness and mortality > Old people - Tagged old people , grandpa - Current Score: 22 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| How do you know when a Frenchman has been in your garden? All your bins are empty and your cat's pregnant. | |
Joke by smokey, in Religion and racism > French - Tagged french , garden , bins , cat , pregnant - Current Score: 21 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
Custurd spent 0.08ms doing 10 queries and -0.03s processing. She's 1.29% angry.
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