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The best of sorprendor's 9 jokes (View All)
| An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his file and says, "Ah, you're an engineer you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flushing toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says , "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flushing toilets and escalators and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here, or I'll sue." Satan laughs says, "Yeah, right. And just where the fuck are you going to get a lawyer?" |    |
Joke by sorprendor, in Religion and racism > Hell - Tagged god , satan , hell , heaven , lawyer - Current Score: 90 - Added: 6 months, 12 days ago
| I said to the wife the other night, "you remind me of Shannon Matthews" She said "why? Because i'm so sweet, innocent and it would be a tragedy if anything happened to me" I said "no sweetheart, it's because you look like a fucking hippo" | |
Joke by sorprendor, in Celebrity and news events > Shannon Matthews - Tagged shannon matthews , fatty , hippo , wife - Current Score: 25 - Added: 6 months, 19 days ago
| I asked the wife the other night "what would you do if you found Maddie alive and well"? she said "i'd be so happy she's safe, i'd give her a big hug" LYING BITCH!!!!! That wasn't her reaction when she opened the shed this morning! | |
Joke by sorprendor, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged maddie , kidnap , wife , lying bitch - Current Score: 18 - Added: 6 months, 19 days ago
| A pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, "Are you my dad?". The doctor says, "No, I am your doctor!". With that, the baby pops right back inside. "Damn!", says the doctor. A short while later he sees the head push through again. "Are you my dad?", asks the baby. "No, I am your doctor.", he replies. Once again the baby vanishes back into his mother's womb. The doctor turns to a nurse and says, "Nurse, get that baby's father in here right away--we may have a situation on our hands!". Moments later the baby's father is in the delivery room, and the baby's head once again pops out. "Are you my dad?", the baby asks of the father. The father replies, "Yes, little baby, I am your father!" The baby then reaches up and begins poking his father in the forehead with his index finger-- "How do you fucking like it?" says the baby | |
Joke by sorprendor, in Sex and shit > Babies - Tagged baby , sex , doctor , father , pregnant - Current Score: 18 - Added: 4 months, 27 days ago
| Why is it that the Germans can build a wall to stop people crossing from east to west and vice versa keeping hundreds of people separate from their families for 28 years, but they can't knock together a defence to keep 11 Spaniards away from their goal line for 90 minutes? | |
Joke by sorprendor, in Celebrity and news events > Football - Tagged german , spaniard , berlin wall , stupid fucking nazis - Current Score: 12 - Added: 3 months, 8 days ago
| The little girl had just listened to her mother's reading one of her favourite fairy tales. "Mommy," asked the child, "do all the fairy tales begin with 'Once Upon a Time'...?" "No, sweetheart," replied the mother, "sometimes they start with 'Darling, I have to work a little late at the office tonight'." | |
Joke by sorprendor, in Sex and shit > Adultery - Tagged girl , mother , fairy stories , office - Current Score: 11 - Added: 6 months, 11 days ago
| Did you know that it costs forty thousand pounds a year to house each prisoner? Jeez, for forty thousand quid a piece I'll take a few prisoners into my house! I live in Glasgow, I already have bars on the windows. I don't think we should give free room and board to criminals. I think they should have to run twelve hours a day on a treadmill and generate electricity. And if they don't want to run, they can rest in the electric chair that's hooked up to the generator. | |
Joke by sorprendor, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged prisoners , glasgow , electric chair - Current Score: 11 - Added: 5 months, 29 days ago
| To do is to be. - Descartes To be is to do. - Voltaire Do be do be do. - Frank Sinatra Yabba Dabba Do. - Fred Flintstone | |
Joke by sorprendor, in Celebrity and news events > Soham - Tagged descartes , voltaire , frank sinatra - Current Score: 6 - Added: 6 months, 12 days ago
| What's the difference between doughnutboys's jokes and a murder victim? It takes longer to bury the murder victim! | |
Joke by sorprendor, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged doughnutboy , death , buried , murder - Current Score: 3 - Added: 6 months, 15 days ago
Custurd spent 0.23ms doing 15 queries and -0.05s processing. She's 0.72% angry.
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