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The best of spazzy's 21 jokes (View All)
| What does the average Pakistani weigh? currys and chapatti's. |    |
Joke by spazzy, in Religion and racism > Pakistani - Tagged paki , weigh , sweeties - Current Score: 500 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| A new priest has just started working at the local catholic church when the head priest, Father David, announces that he is going on holiday for a week. Father David asks the new priest if he wouldn't mind doing the confessions whilst he's away. Concerned that he is inexperienced, Father David gives him the latest handbook on what to do in the confession box. The new priest has been doing the job for five minutes when a young woman enters the box and says, "forgive me father, for I have sinned - I have had feelings of a carnal nature toward the man who cuts our lawn." The priest looks to his handbook, finds the section on sexual desire and gardeners, and relays the appropriate penance to the woman. "You must do five hail marys, and polish the church door brass." Later, a second woman confesses she has kissed the guy who came to fix the boiler. He looks in the handbook, finds the section on intimate liaisons with members of the plumbing trade and hands down a penance of ten hail marys, fifty counts of the rosaries, and an afternoon trimming the church candles. Much later a woman comes to the box and confesses that she has given the local policeman a blow-job. After a few minutes, the priest cannot find any mention of sucking a mans cock in the handbook and wonders what to do. He sticks his head out of the box just as a choir boy is passing, and asks the lad, "psst.. do you know what Father David usually gives for a blow-job?" Quick as a flash, the young lad replies, "a bag of Skittles and a Kit-Kat." | |
Joke by spazzy, in Religion and racism > Catholicism - Tagged blowjob - Current Score: 135 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| David Beckham is due on the pitch for a training session and he's nowhere to be seen. His new Galaxy manager goes looking for him and finds him in the dressing room and says, "hey, David, why are you in here and not on the pitch?" David says, "I'm trying to do this jigsaw puzzle that Victoria gave me." Manager: "I don't care about a damn puzzle, get out on the pitch." David: "No.. I've been trying for weeks to do this jigsaw, and it's all I can think of right now." Manager: "What's the puzzle of?" David: "It's a tiger." The manager looks over David's shoulder at the puzzle laid out on the floor and says, "For fucks sake! Put the Frosties back in box and get out on the pitch!" | |
Joke by spazzy, in Celebrity and news events > Posh And Becks - Tagged beckham , david , football , dimwit - Current Score: 85 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| After a pikey wedding caused a mass riot recently, the best man ended up in court. In front of the judge, he was trying to explain the traditions of a 'romany' wedding: Pikey Best Man: "Well, it was like this, your honour: as it is a custom for the best man to have the first dance with the bride, which I was, nice and close like, the groom comes over and kicks the bride in the cunt as hard as he could." Judge: "Gosh, that must have hurt." Pikey Best Man: "Hurt? You're not kidding me - he broke three of me fucking fingers." | |
Joke by spazzy, in Religion and racism > Pikeys - Tagged pikey , wedding , cunt - Current Score: 71 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| It's Christams day, and little Johnny has opened his presents, and has been given a train set and and an action man. He goes next door to see his friend Billy, and has a look at his presents. Wide-eyed, Johnny see his freind has been given a new BMX, a radio controlled plane, an X-box, a playstation, a 60inch plasma tv, a ride-on jeep, a DVD player, a Sky HD Box, a sailing boat, a motor-cross bike and an england football shirt and ball both signed by the entire england squad with tickets to the cup-final. Johnny says to his mate: "It's not fair, I wish I had cancer" | |
Joke by spazzy, in Illness and mortality > Children - Tagged kids , cancer , xmas , gifts , little johnny - Current Score: 41 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| How do you get rid of the red spot on a paki's head? Switch off the laser-sight on your gun. | |
Joke by spazzy, in Religion and racism > Asian - Tagged paki , gun , spot - Current Score: 37 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| How do you stop a muslim from spitting? Don't hold your blow-torch so close. | |
Joke by spazzy, in Sex and shit > Paedophilia - Tagged burning muslims - Current Score: 26 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| Black Tarmac and Red Tarmac decide to go for a beer down the local. They have just sat down when Green Tarmac comes bursting through the door, demands a large scotch and then head-butts the barman in the face for no reason. Red says to Black, you better watch him, he's a fucking cycle-path. | |
Joke by spazzy, in Jokes with no home > Pub - Tagged 2009 - Current Score: 23 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| I hear that the Portuguese police are still probing Maddie's snatch. | |
Joke by spazzy, in Celebrity and news events > Madeleine McCann - Tagged madeleine mccann , police , portuguese - Current Score: 19 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| Mother Superior is doing her final night-time rounds at the local convent, sticking her head round the door of the dormitory she calls " Candles Out, Girls!" The only noise to be heard is 'shhhloop, shhhloop, shhhloop' | |
Joke by spazzy, in Sex and shit > Nun - Tagged nuns , candles , masturbation - Current Score: 18 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
Custurd spent 0.04ms doing 16 queries and 0.14s processing. She's 1.90% angry.
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