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stopher's Statistics

User Level: User
Contribution Points: 15 Total Joke Score: 4,741
Country: United states US Total Time Active: 2 hours, 20 minutes
Total Jokes Submitted: 55 Live Jokes: 20
Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates): 35 Duplicate Jokes: 19


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The best of stopher's 20 jokes (View All)
I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning."
He replied, "No, just having a shit."
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Joke by stopher in Other - Animals - Added: 2 years, 3 months ago - Current Score: 3033.8

A man walked into the vegetable section of his local supermarket and asked for half a head of lettuce. The boy working there told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy asked his manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some tosser wants to buy a half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentle [...]

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Joke by stopher in Sports - Football - Added: 2 years, 3 months ago - Current Score: 590.4

What did Jesus say to his 12 apostles as he was being nailed to the cross?

"Don't touch my fucking Easter eggs, I'll be back on Monday."
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Joke by stopher in Religion - Jesus - Added: 2 years, 0 months ago - Current Score: 275

A beautiful woman is lying in a hospital bed about to undergo minor surgery. Soon after she is wheeled into the corridor by a nurse, then left alone.

While the nurse is away, a young man in a white coat approaches the girl, takes the sheets away and starts examining her naked body. He walks away and talks to another man in a white coat. The second man comes over and starts examining her.

When a third man comes over and begins to examine her body, the girl begins to [...]

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Joke by stopher in Other - Work - Added: 2 years, 3 months ago - Current Score: 143

Three convicts were on their way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated.
On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?" The second convict pulled out a box of oils and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the 'John Constable of Jail'.

Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?" The first convict pulled out a deck of cards [...]

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Joke by stopher in Other - Male - Added: 2 years, 3 months ago - Current Score: 113

Why do men fart more than women?

Because women won't shut up long enough to build up the pressure.
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Joke by stopher in Other - Male - Added: 2 years, 3 months ago - Current Score: 101.4

An old cowboy went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his whiskey a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

"Well," he replied, "I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences and branding cattle, so I guess I am."

"I'm a lesbian," she said. "I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think about [...]

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Joke by stopher in Sex and shit - Lesbian - Added: 2 years, 3 months ago - Current Score: 100.8

An English man, an American and an Arab were sitting in a bar talking about their families.

The Englishman said, "I have 10 sons at home and if I had 1 more I'd have a football team."

The American said, "I have 15 kids at home and if I had another I'd have an American football team."

The Arab said, "I have 17 wives at home. If I had one more I would have a golf course!"
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Joke by stopher in Racism - American - Added: 2 years, 3 months ago - Current Score: 92.8

Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating straight away.
"Jonny, wait until we've said our prayer," his mother reminded him.
"I don't have to," the little boy replied.
"Of course you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer before eating at our house."
"That's at our house," Johnny explained, "but this is Grandma's house and she kn [...]

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Joke by stopher in Other - Family - Added: 2 years, 3 months ago - Current Score: 78

Tony and Harold, two avid fisherman and well-known drunks, were out in a boat on their favourite lake one day drowning some worms and polishing off some brews.

Suddenly, Tony got what he thought was a nibble. Reeling it in he found a bottle with a cork in it. Naturally curious, he uncorked the bottle and a large genie appeared. The genie said, "I will grant you one wish."

Tony thought for a second and said, "I wish this whole lake was beer." Poof [...]

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Joke by stopher in Other - Food and Drink - Added: 2 years, 3 months ago - Current Score: 59.6

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