Laugh, you miserable cunts.
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The best of stu71's 23 jokes (View All)
| A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky." The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him. "No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch." |    |
Joke by stu71, in Jokes with no home > Fat People - Tagged kitkat chunky - Current Score: 1503 - Added: 4 months, 6 days ago
| Little Johnny goes into school after being absent the previous day, His teacher demands, "where were you yesterday?" "I'm sorry Miss, my dad got burnt," replies Johnny. "Oh,I'm sorry,I hope it wasn't serious," says the teacher. To which Johnny replies, "well, they don't fuck about at the crematorium." | |
Joke by stu71, in Illness and mortality > Dying - Tagged death , teacher , little johnny , dad - Current Score: 259 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| For years I thought my dad suffered from Tourettes. Turns out he just thought I was a fucking cunt. | |
Joke by stu71, in Illness and mortality > Tourettes - Tagged dad , cunt , swearing , years , tourettes - Current Score: 225 - Added: 2 months, 23 days ago
| A young boy walks into his mum's bedroom as she is getting dressed. He points between her legs and says, "Mummy, what's that between your legs?" Embarrassed, she thinks quickly and replies, "that's where your dad hit me with his axe." To which the lad counters, "that was a good shot, he got you right in the cunt!" | |
Joke by stu71, in Sex and shit > Mummy Mummy - Tagged mother , children , mummy mummy , cunt - Current Score: 171 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| A seven-year-old and a four-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the seven-year-old, "I think it's about time we started swearing." The four-year-old nods his head in approval,so the seven-year-old says, "when we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, okay?" "Okay" the four-year-old, agrees with enthusiasm. The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the seven-year-old what he wants for breakfast. "Oh, shit mum, I don't know, I suppose I'll have some Coco Pops." WHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out. She looked at the four-year-old and asked with a stern voice, "and what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?" "I don't know," he blubbers, "but it won't be fucking Coco Pops!" | |
Joke by stu71, in Jokes with no home > Advice - Tagged children , swearing - Current Score: 148 - Added: 11 months ago
| I was walking along the street the other day when I slipped in dog shit. A minute later, some guy did exactly the same. I said to him, "I just did that." So he punched me in the face and called me a dirty bastard. | |
Joke by stu71, in Sex and shit > Shit - Tagged shit , bastard - Current Score: 118 - Added: 11 months ago
| I went to a fancy dress party the other week, wearing only a pair of Y-fronts. A woman at the party said to me, "this is a fancy dress party, what are you supposed to be?" "A premature ejaculation," I said. "What do you mean?" replied the woman. "I've come in my pants," I said. | |
Joke by stu71, in Jokes with no home > Advice - Tagged fancy dress , ejaculation , woman , pants - Current Score: 115 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| Why did so many blacks die during the war? When the Sergeant shouted "Get Down" they all got up and started dancing. | |
Joke by stu71, in Religion and racism > Black - Tagged blacks , war - Current Score: 111 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| FA chief Brian Barwick is walking along the street when he sees an old lady struggling with several bags of shopping. He goes up to her and says, "excuse me, dear,can you manage?" The woman replies, "fuck off, I don't want the England job." | |
Joke by stu71, in Celebrity and news events > Football - Tagged woman , shopping , useless tosser - Current Score: 111 - Added: 10 months ago
| A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman." The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?" The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped." The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Marys and put £50 in the poor box." The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that you didn't put any money in the poor box!" The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the £50 on the box and, according to you, that's the same as putting it in!" | |
Joke by stu71, in Sex and shit > Priest - Tagged irish , sex , priest , money - Current Score: 103 - Added: 7 months, 26 days ago
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