| User Level: | User | ||
| Contribution Points: | 0 | Total Joke Score: | 4,904 |
| Country: |
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Total Time Active: | 0 seconds |
| Total Jokes Submitted: | 24 | Live Jokes: | 12 |
| Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates): | 12 | Duplicate Jokes: | 10 |
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The best of sw3llh34d's 12 jokes (View All)
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Lady in labour, shouting the usual shit, "Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!" She turns to her boyfriend and says, "You did this to me, you fucker!" He casually replies, "If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse, but you said, 'fuck off it'll be too painful.'" |
 
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Joke by sw3llh34d in Sex and shit - Women - Added: 2 years, 0 months ago
- Current Score: 2780.2
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West Midlands police are looking for a "racist attacker". I phoned the information line but apparently its not a job advertisement! |
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A husband walks out of the bathroom naked and starts to climb into bed. His wife gives him a pained look as she says, "I have a headache." "That's okay," he replies, "I was just in the bathroom powdering my cock with aspirin. Would you like it orally or as a suppository?" |
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Joke by sw3llh34d in Sex and shit - Wife - Added: 2 years, 5 months ago
- Current Score: 299
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"Mum, why are wedding dresses white?" The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure." The son thanks his Mum and goes off to double-check this with his father. "Dad why are wedding dresses white?" The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances come in white." |
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Joke by sw3llh34d in Sex and shit - Women - Added: 2 years, 5 months ago
- Current Score: 247.8
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When David Beckham scores I drink BECKS. When Paul Scholes scores I drink SKOL. When Tommy Miller scores I drink Millers. Thank GOD David Seaman was a goalie! |
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A man comes home early from work one day to find his best mate in bed with his wife. Overcome by anger, he stabs him to death. The wife, shaking her head, looks at him and says, "Keep that up and, pretty soon, you'll have no mates left!" |
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Joke by sw3llh34d in Sex and shit - Wife - Added: 2 years, 5 months ago
- Current Score: 177.2
| Noel Edmonds is to start a new programme for BBC in aid of comic relief, it will take place in Africa where the little black fuckers will play meal or no meal |
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Joke by sw3llh34d in Celebrities - Noel Edmonds - Added: 2 years, 5 months ago
- Current Score: 174.2
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There were three naked men in a sauna; an American, a Japanese man and an Irishman.
They heard a bleeping sound and the American touches his arm and says, "That's my pager, I have a microchip under my skin." Next a phone rings and the Japanese man lifts his palm to his ear, he says, "I have a microchip in my hand." The Irishman feeling very lowtech went to the toilet and came back with toilet paper hanging fro [...] |
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Joke by sw3llh34d which requires categorising - Added: 2 years, 4 months ago
- Current Score: 63.2
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If God made the front of a womans body, who made the back? THE COUNCIL. Who else would put a SHIT HOLE next to the PLAY AREA??? |
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Joke by sw3llh34d in Sex and shit - Women - Added: 2 years, 5 months ago
- Current Score: 54
| Harley Davidson died and went to heaven and was boasting to God how he'd created the best motor bike in the world! God disagreed, saying BMW's were a better designed bike! Harley said "What the fuck do you know about design. You created woman and look at the problems we have with them!" "Ahem" says God "I think you'll find a lot more men are riding my fucking creation than yours!" |
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Joke by sw3llh34d in Sex and shit - Women - Added: 2 years, 5 months ago
- Current Score: 52
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