sw3llh34d has a score of 1714 at the moment.
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The best of sw3llh34d's 17 jokes (View All)
| Lady in labour, shouting the usual shit, "Get this out of me, give me the drugs" She turns to her boyfriend and says "You did this to me you fucker" He replies casually "If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse but you said fuck off it'll be too painful" |    |
Joke by sw3llh34d, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged anal , drugs , lady , labour , pregnant , pain - Current Score: 1047 - Added: 5 months, 9 days ago
| "Mum, why are wedding dresses white?" The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure." The son thanks his Mum and goes off to double-check this with his father. "Dad why are wedding dresses white?" The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances come in white." | |
Joke by sw3llh34d, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged wedding , son , father , mother , sexist - Current Score: 140 - Added: 11 months ago
| A husband walks out of the bathroom naked and starts to climb into bed. His wife gives him a pained look as she says, "I have a headache." "That's okay," he replies, "I was just in the bathroom powdering my cock with aspirin. Would you like it orally or as a suppository?" | |
Joke by sw3llh34d, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged headache - Current Score: 123 - Added: 11 months ago
| West Midlands police are looking for a "racist attacker". I phoned the information line but apparently its not a job advertisment! | |
Joke by sw3llh34d, in Religion and racism > Racism - Tagged police , racist , phone - Current Score: 83 - Added: 1 year ago
| When David Beckham scores I drink BECKS. When Paul Scholes scores I drink SKOL. When Tommy Miller scores I drink Millers. Thank GOD David Seaman was a goalie! | |
Joke by sw3llh34d, in Celebrity and news events > Football - Tagged drinking - Current Score: 60 - Added: 11 months ago
| For the funeral Mrs Beadle doesn't know what to arrange. She would like a lavish do, but on the other hand thinks a small finger buffet is more appropiate! | |
Joke by sw3llh34d, in Celebrity and news events > Jeremy Beadle - Tagged jeremy beadle , finger buffet , finger , hand - Current Score: 44 - Added: 7 months, 6 days ago
| If God made the front of a womans body, who made the back? THE COUNCIL. Who else would put a SHIT HOLE next to the PLAY AREA??? | |
Joke by sw3llh34d, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged god , the council - Current Score: 41 - Added: 11 months ago
| Dawn French was arrested yesterday for possession of drugs while wearing a short skirt, she bent down to tie her shoelace and revealed 75 kilos of crack. | |
Joke by sw3llh34d, in Celebrity and news events > Dawn French - Tagged drugs - Current Score: 33 - Added: 11 months ago
| Three naked men in a sauna, an American, Japanese and Irishman. They heard a bleeping sound, the American touches his arm and says thats my pager, I have a microchip under my skin. Next a phone rings and Japanese man lifts his palm to his ear, he says I have a microchip in my hand. The Irishman feeling very lowtech went to the toilet and came back with toilet paper hanging from his arse, he says "Oh jaysus, would u look at that, I'm getting a fax!" | |
Joke by sw3llh34d, in Jokes with no home > techologhy - Tagged americans , japanese , irish - Current Score: 28 - Added: 10 months ago
| Harley Davidson died and went to heaven and was boasting to God how he'd created the best motor bike in the world! God disagreed, saying BMW's were a better designed bike! Harley said "What the fuck do you know about design. You created woman and look at the problems we have with them!" "Ahem" says God "I think you'll find a lot more men are riding my fucking creation than yours!" | |
Joke by sw3llh34d, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged god - Current Score: 27 - Added: 11 months ago
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