theblueoysterbar has a score of 917 at the moment.
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The best of theblueoysterbar's 12 jokes (View All)
| A Muslim dies and finds himself in front of St Peter at the gates of heaven. "Hey, what's going on here? Where am I?" he asks St Peter. "Welcome to the afterlife," St Peter replies. "No, no this isn't right. I want to speak to the prophet Mohammed, right away." "Would you like a capuccino?" asks St Peter. "No! I want to speak to the prophet Mohammed," replies the Muslim. "Well, you can talk to Jesus if you want," says St Peter, and goes off to find him. "Jesus, I don't understand what's going on here," the Muslim says. "I want to speak to the prophet Mohammed." "Would you like a capuccino?" "No, I want to speak to the prophet! Now." "Well, you can talk to God if you like", says Jesus. This appears acceptable to the Muslim and off they go. Jesus lets the Muslim into a big room and leaves him. After a few moments there is a puff of smoke and God appears. "Yes, what seems to be the problem here?" booms God. The muslim is very worked up by now. "Look, I don't get what's happened here, I want to talk to the prophet Mohammed!" "Would you like a capuccino?" "Okay, okay," says the Muslim, "I'll have a fucking capuccino - now will someone please let me speak to the prophet Mohammed." "Two cappuccinos, Mohammed," says God. |    |
Joke by theblueoysterbar, in Religion and racism > Muslim - Tagged muslim , heaven , god , dead , suicide , cunts - Current Score: 295 - Added: 8 months ago
| If all the Smarties eaten worldwide in one year were laid end to end... They would lead all the way to Gary Glitter's house in Thailand | |
Joke by theblueoysterbar, in Celebrity and news events > Gary Glitter - Tagged gary glitter , paedo , smarties - Current Score: 135 - Added: 3 months ago
| When does a black gentleman become a nigger? When he's out of earshot. | |
Joke by theblueoysterbar, in Religion and racism > Black - Tagged nigger , black , gentleman - Current Score: 133 - Added: 7 months ago
| Spare a thought for the poor German woman in a Glasgow supermarket, who saw a child being smacked for being naughty. "In Germany, Vee do not hit our children." "Aye, well in Glasgow we don't gas Jews." | |
Joke by theblueoysterbar, in Religion and racism > Holocaust - Tagged jews , holocaust , glasgow - Current Score: 78 - Added: 1 week ago
| The Welsh parliament is concerned about Gary Glitter's wish to return to the UK He has heard there are some well hung kids in Bridgend | |
Joke by theblueoysterbar, in Celebrity and news events > Bridgend - Tagged bridgend , gary glitter - Current Score: 57 - Added: 6 months ago
| What do Ethiopians do on Friday night? Starve | |
Joke by theblueoysterbar, in Religion and racism > Ethiopian - Tagged africa , ethiopians , famine - Current Score: 24 - Added: 6 months ago
| What do you call 4 Cows and a Blackbird? The Spice Girls | |
Joke by theblueoysterbar, in Celebrity and news events > Spice Girls - Tagged spice girls sluts whores - Current Score: 15 - Added: 8 months ago
| Dear Aunt Aggie, Thanks very much for the £20 you sent me for Christmas. I spent it on a jumper. Unfortunately the fucker fell at the third fence. | |
Joke by theblueoysterbar, in Jokes with no home > Christmas - Tagged gambling , christmas , horses , presents - Current Score: 14 - Added: 7 months ago
| Two Drums and a Cymbal fall off a cliff.... Badoom Boom Tshhhhhhh | |
Joke by theblueoysterbar, in Jokes with no home > Stupid - Tagged drums , cymbal , cliff - Current Score: 12 - Added: 11 months ago
| Show me a man who comes home every evening, is greeted with smiles and compliments, has his jacket hung up and his shoes taken off, has cushions arranged for him before he sits down, is made to feel comfortable and welcome in every way and is then served a delicious meal. And I'll show you a bloke that lives in a Japanese restaurant. | |
Joke by theblueoysterbar, in Jokes with no home > Marriage - Tagged women , men , marriage - Current Score: 11 - Added: 3 months ago
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