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The best of trenchcoat's 13 jokes (View All)
| A lorry driver was driving along a country road when he spotted a sign that read, 'Low Bridge Ahead'. Before he had realised, the bridge was directly ahead and though he optimistically ploughed on he got stuck, wedged underneath it, leaving cars backed up for miles. Finally a police car arrived on the scene, and the policeman walked up to the lorry's cab and said to the driver, "Got stuck, eh?" The lorry driver replied, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of diesel!" |    |
Joke by trenchcoat, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged lorry , bridge , police , stuck - Current Score: 125 - Added: 10 months, 11 days ago
| A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what's the difference between potentially and realistically?" The father ponders for a moment and then answered "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million quid and also ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million quid, then come back and tell me what you've learned". So the boy went to his mother and asked "Mum would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million quid?" The mother replied, "Definitely, I wouldn't pass an opportunity like that." The boy then went to his older sister and asked "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million quid?" The girl replied "Oh gosh, I would just love to do that, I would be nuts to pass up that opportunity." The boy then thought about it for a few days, and went back to his father. His father asked him "Did you find the difference between potentially and realistically?" The boy replied, "Yes, potentially we're sitting on 2 million quid, but realistically we're living with two slappers." The father replied, "That's my boy." | |
Joke by trenchcoat, in Sex and shit > Prostitution - Tagged slappers , million , robert redford , brad pitt - Current Score: 109 - Added: 1 year ago
| "Doctor," the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore. "Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do." The next day, the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your clothes, Mrs. Thomas," the doctor said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Okay, you may put your clothes back on." The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health, Mr Thomas," he said. "Your wife didn't give me an erection either." | |
Joke by trenchcoat, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged wife , doctor , erection - Current Score: 95 - Added: 1 year ago
| You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice. | |
Joke by trenchcoat, in Jokes with no home > Cars - Tagged driving , fine , parking , tommy cooper - Current Score: 92 - Added: 10 months, 16 days ago
| A husband and wife decide that they need to use code in front of their daughter to tell each other when they want sex. They both agree that the code word is "typewriter" One day the husband says to his daughter :can you go and tell mummy that I need to type a letter" The daughter runs off to her mummy and asks her, to which the mummy replies "The typewriter has red ribbon in - so its not working" A couple of days later, the mummy tells her daughter "go and tell daddy that he can use the typewriter now" The little girl runs off and tells daddy, to which he replies "go and tell mummy that it doesn't matter now cos I done the letter by hand" | |
Joke by trenchcoat, in Sex and shit > Wanking - Tagged typewriter , wank , letter , sex , fuck - Current Score: 82 - Added: 10 months, 16 days ago
| This guy walks into a bar in Redneck county and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, surprised, and the bartender looks around and says: "You ain't from around here, are ya... where ya from, boy?" The guy says, "I'm from England." The bartender asks, "What th' hell you do in England?" The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist." The bartender asks, "A taxidermist... now just what th' hell is a taxidermist?" The guy says "I mount animals." The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, "It's OK boys, he's one of us!" | |
Joke by trenchcoat, in Religion and racism > Rednecks - Tagged redneck , bar , taxidermist - Current Score: 74 - Added: 10 months, 18 days ago
| One day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early." | |
Joke by trenchcoat, in Sex and shit > Adultery - Tagged naked , guy , jogging , shagging , my , wife - Current Score: 67 - Added: 7 months, 25 days ago
| A woman on the beach, walks up to a guy in blue swimming trunks and says, "Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?" He says, "Why? Are my eyes bulging?" | |
Joke by trenchcoat, in Sex and shit > Erections - Tagged trunks , bulging , big cock - Current Score: 46 - Added: 10 months, 18 days ago
| Two cows in a field. One says, "moooo." The other one says, "fucking hell, I was gonna say that!" | |
Joke by trenchcoat, in Religion and racism > Africans - Tagged cows , moo - Current Score: 45 - Added: 1 year ago
| Sue had been married to Frank for 20 years. One day, while Sue was cleaning under the bed, she found a small box. Curious, she opened it and found 3 eggs and £5.000. A little bit suspicious, she confronted her husband about it. "Oh, that," Frank said. "Every time I cheated on you, I put an egg in this box." Sue was a bit unhappy about this, but figured that 3 affairs over twenty years wasn't so bad. "But what about the £5000?" "Every time I got a dozen, I sold them." | |
Joke by trenchcoat, in Sex and shit > Adultery - Tagged eggs , box , affairs , money - Current Score: 16 - Added: 1 year ago
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