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The best of twayne's 32 jokes (View All)
| I was chatting to an American about all the pain we felt on 9/11/2001. I should know- I caught my foreskin in my zip that day. Which, by the way, was the 9th of November. |    |
Joke by twayne, in Celebrity and news events > 9/11 - Tagged america , american , penis , zip , 9-11 - Current Score: 259 - Added: 4 months, 17 days ago
| Did you hear about the 9 year old African boy? He was going through a mid-life crisis. | |
Joke by twayne, in Religion and racism > Black - Tagged africa , death , mid life crisis , black , blacks , nigger , niggers , the onion - Current Score: 256 - Added: 3 months, 15 days ago
| As we approach the third anniversary of the London Tube/Bus Bombings we need to look to the future, and see that in an odd way, something positive came out of that day. Four dead pakis. | |
Joke by twayne, in Religion and racism > Pakistani - Tagged paki , pakis , terrorism , terrorist , muslim , london , tube bombings , 7-7 , 7th july , tube , wogs - Current Score: 166 - Added: 3 months, 24 days ago
| There was a local family, whose daughter was frankly very overweight and unattractive. I remember one day her mum came into school and spoke during assembly, explaining that her daughter could no longer stand the bullying and had hanged herself the night before. The whole school was in shocked silence, then one lad shouted out, "fucking hell, it must have been a strong rope." | |
Joke by twayne, in Illness and mortality > Suicide - Tagged suicide , fat , hanging , school - Current Score: 161 - Added: 4 months, 16 days ago
| A convicted drug dealer is in prison, and his father, an old farmer, comes to visit. His father explains that they are having problems. "Son, the ground is frozen. It is too hard for me to dig myself at my age, but I can't afford extra men or to hire machines- I don't think we will be able to plant crops this year, which will mean we will go bankrupt and lose the farm." Later the prisoner goes back to his cell and writes a letter to his father- " Dear Father, please be aware that a good friend of mine will be visiting soon. There is a large quantity of stuff he is collecting. It is hidden on the farm, he will know exactly what to do." Some weeks later the prioner's father comes to visit. "Well, son, your friend never showed up, but before I even got your letter the police came round, searched the whole house and dug up all the land around, but they didn't find anything." The prisoner smiles, " Happy planting, dad." | |
Joke by twayne, in Jokes with no home > Drugs - Tagged drugs , prison , wit , oneupmanship , police , father , son , clever - Current Score: 144 - Added: 2 months, 27 days ago
| I was watching the final on Sunday with a bunch of Italians-at first they were all supporting Germany, but they all changed sides half way through when Germany started losing. Who says history doesn't repeat itself? | |
Joke by twayne, in Religion and racism > Italians - Tagged world war two , italians , cowards , wops , dagos , football , euro 2008 , sides , germany , spain , history - Current Score: 132 - Added: 3 months, 13 days ago
| Its really nice that there are some places where the White English Male can dominate. 100 years ago, in the days of the British Empire, it was a Quarter of the World, on which the sun never set. Now it's an internet joke site that crashes several times a week. Still, better than nothing. | |
Joke by twayne, in Jokes with no home > Sickipedia - Tagged british empire , white , english , male , sickipedia - Current Score: 120 - Added: 3 months, 15 days ago
| I was chatting to a mate in the pub- who loves jokes- and I was telling him a little story. So I began my tale: "I went to see a Gypsy fortune teller the other day, who put me in touch with me dead grandfather. After we had finished and I had paid her, she smiled at me and in a jolly voice said she had really enjoy the session- So I smacked her in the face!" My smartarse mate chipped in, "Ha ha- Thats becase you LIKE TO STRIKE A HAPPY MEDIUM isn't it!" I replied, "No, its because I can't fucking stand gypsies." | |
Joke by twayne, in Religion and racism > Gypsy - Tagged gypsy , pun , peter cook , dudley moore , punch , hit , strike , fight - Current Score: 107 - Added: 3 months ago
| A man and his young son go into the doctors, " Doctor, doctor- my son has just swallowed a camera!" The doctor looks at him and replies, " Well, leave it a few days and see what develops!" The boy replies, "What? Its a fucking digital, you old cunt." | |
Joke by twayne, in Illness and mortality > Doctor - Tagged camera , classics retold , doctor , digital , boy , man , cunt , medicine - Current Score: 98 - Added: 3 months, 14 days ago
| If Jordan is meant to be married to Peter Andre, why is she always being photographed with Gary Coleman? | |
Joke by twayne, in Celebrity and news events > Jordan - Tagged gary coleman , jordan , peter andre , harvey , little nigger , disabled nigger , nigger - Current Score: 95 - Added: 4 months ago
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