Found myself unable to log on since you changed the site, and found several of my originals now attributed to others the old site if it still up will confirm
oh well plenty more where they came from, and a lot of oldies not mine too.
Shame some idiots are just voting off anything
oh well plenty more where they came from, and a lot of oldies not mine too.
Shame some idiots are just voting off anything
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unfunny has a score of 510 at the moment.
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The best of unfunny's 6 jokes (View All)
| A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded yes, after all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain. 'What are you doing here?' the captain asked. She got up off the ground and explained, "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors. He's taking me to Europe, and he's screwing me." The captain looked at her, "He sure is lady, this is the Staten Island Ferry.' |    |
Joke by unfunny, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged woman , sailor , ferry , fucked - Current Score: 146 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| A man has a swishy cocktail bar and looking to hire a pianist. He gets a bloke in who's got tourettes, but he can play, Classics, Blues, Jazz, "and I fucking write my own cunting stuff as well", he says. He plays this really haunting gentle piece. "What do you call that?" "The smell of my wife's cunt, here's another fucker" And it's another great piece of music, "That was: my cock's up your arse, now wriggle bitch" And so on. He was the best so good that reluctantly he takes him on, but on condition he doesn't speak to the customers at all. The waiters will take requests to avoid him talking with them. It works well and trade is up. One night he can see a girl facing him, short skirt and no knickers, and after a half hour of looking up seeing that he gets so horny he takes a break to have a wank. He takes a while, no music. The bar manager starts looking for him, bashes on the toilet door, says, "Get out there and play now or you don't get paid for tonight." So he rushes it, goes back and starts playing. One of the waiters sees he hasn't zipped up and rushes over. "Hey do you know your flys are undone, your cock's hanging out and there's comestains all down your leg?" "Know it? I wrote that fucker". | |
Joke by unfunny, in Illness and mortality > Tourettes - Tagged piano , wanking , pianist - Current Score: 80 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| A couple have two kids. The chap's company make him area sales manager - it is more money, but involves stays away from home. He comes back from a week at a sales conference one day, walks in and says, "I want to fuck you senseless." His wife goes, "Shush, not in front of the kids - we have to be more responsible! How about saying 'I've got some washing to do since I've been away'?" The husband agreed agreed. Two weeks later, he's back from a trip and says, "I've got some washing to do." "Fine. Just a minute," says his wife, "I'm feeding the kids." Two hours later she says, "I can do your washing now." "No need, it was only a small load so I did it by hand." | |
Joke by unfunny, in Sex and shit > Parents - Tagged kids , masturbation , swearing , wife , husband - Current Score: 69 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| A drunk American is sounding off to a Brit in a pub: "we got bigger cars than you, we got bigger houses we got a bigger army............" Brit interrupts: "And I hear you have bigger cunts too" "how did you know that?" "you`ve just spoken to me" | |
Joke by unfunny, in Religion and racism > Americans - Tagged loudmouth , american , brit - Current Score: 29 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| A player gets talent spotted by a premier league club coach while playing for a sunday league side. He`s finally about to play his first big match for the new club and the coach says " Look, I have to warn you that you are going to get pulled off at half time" "Brilliant! at my last club all we got at half time were oranges and a sports drink". | |
Joke by unfunny, in Jokes with no home > Football - Tagged football - Current Score: 19 - Added: 10 months, 29 days ago
| How do you know if you've passed an elephant in the dark? It won`t flush away and you can't get the seat down! | |
Joke by unfunny, in Religion and racism > Africans - Tagged toilet , elephant , seat - Current Score: 11 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
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