please kill americans... but not their children... i have plans for them
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vampy-dav has a score of 1142 at the moment.
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The best of vampy-dav's 20 jokes (View All)
| People think Stephen Hawking is so clever, but when you ask him a question and he is typing in the answer on his little screen, how do we know he isn't just looking up the answer on the Internet? |    |
Joke by vampy-dav, in Celebrity and news events > Stephen Hawking - Tagged stephen hawking , viz - Current Score: 221 - Added: 4 months, 26 days ago
| I wouldn't say boo to a goose. I'm not a coward, I just realise that it would be largely pointless. | |
Joke by vampy-dav, in Jokes with no home > goose - Tagged goose , hero , pointless , viz - Current Score: 151 - Added: 4 months, 26 days ago
| I'm thinking of applying for X Factor next year. Do you think I should go for the dead parent story, or should I just rock up in a wheelchair? | |
Joke by vampy-dav, in Celebrity and news events > x-factor - Tagged viz , xfactor - Current Score: 136 - Added: 4 months, 26 days ago
| According to the BBC website, 'cocaine users are getting younger'. I have always avoided illegal narcotics but, now I've found out that they actually reverse the ageing process, I'm going to give them a bash. | |
Joke by vampy-dav, in Illness and mortality > Drugs - Tagged drugs , cocaine , age , viz - Current Score: 121 - Added: 4 months, 26 days ago
| Are you constantly "looking" for employment? Do people cross the road rather than walk near you? Have you turned to a life of crime? Take a good hard look in the mirror and ask yourself; Am I black? | |
Joke by vampy-dav, in Religion and racism > Pakistani - Tagged black , racism - Current Score: 110 - Added: 3 months, 1 day ago
| What is it with diabetics? One minute they're on the floor with a loved one standing by screaming, "give him some chocolate! Give him some chocolate!" The next day, someone offers them a piece of chocolate and, quick as a flash, they say, "no thanks, I'm diabetic." I wish they'd get their story straight. | |
Joke by vampy-dav, in Illness and mortality > Diabetes - Tagged diabetes , viz - Current Score: 80 - Added: 4 months, 26 days ago
| I have just returned home after watching Oliver Stone's new flick World Trade Centre, and I have to say I was a little disappointed by the storyline. Two planes crashing into the Twin Towers... on the same day. It's a bit far-fetched. | |
Joke by vampy-dav, in Celebrity and news events > 9/11 - Tagged 9/11 , oliver stone , twin towers , terrorism , world trade centre - Current Score: 47 - Added: 4 months, 26 days ago
| Last night, whilst babysitting, I had an accident and millions of my potential children died on my niece's face. | |
Joke by vampy-dav, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged incest , paedophila - Current Score: 36 - Added: 4 months, 7 days ago
| If a boxer at the Paralympics is having trouble meeting his weight limit.. can he just chop a bit more off? | |
Joke by vampy-dav, in Celebrity and news events > Paralympics - Tagged paralympics , boxing - Current Score: 33 - Added: 2 months, 24 days ago
| I read with interest that the RAF have decided to replace the nude paintings of popular tit models like Lucy Pinder and Michelle Marsh on the side of their bombers with plain silhouettes for fear of offending the thousands of Muslims they are currently bombing the shit out of. I wholeheartedly applaud this display of sensitivity to another culture. | |
Joke by vampy-dav, in Celebrity and news events > RAF - Tagged raf , muslim - Current Score: 28 - Added: 4 months, 26 days ago
Custurd spent 1.34ms doing 16 queries and -0.27s processing. She's 4.01% angry.
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