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The best of yank's 11 jokes (View All)
| A lady's husband died, and at the funeral home, she had one request. "He was a banker, and he always wore black suits." She told the mortician. "I begged him to buy a blue suit, but he never did. Now, I want him to be buried in one. Please, sir, would you find a nice blue suit for him, please? Price is no object." The mortician agreed and when the lady returned for the viewing, her husband was laid out in a beautiful blue suit. The woman wept and thanked the man for the extra trouble. "It was no trouble at all." He replied. "Oh, don't be ridiculous!" the woman protested, "Please, just add it to my bill." "There's no charge, ma'am." the mortician said. "What do you mean?" asked the woman. "Well," the mortician said, "The same day your husband died and was brought in in his black suit, another man died and was brought in wearing a blue suit. As coincidence would have it, the other woman wanted her husband buried in a black suit." "That's amazing!" said the woman. "Yes!" Replied the mortician, "All I had to do was saw off the heads and switch them around." |    |
Joke by yank, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged blue suit , black suit , widow , funeral , mortician - Current Score: 89 - Added: 9 months ago
| The Koala and the Little Lizard A koala is sitting up a gum tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past , looks up and says "Hey Koala ! what are you doing?" The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some." So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints. After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river. But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river. A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard: "What's the matter with you?" The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink. The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!" So the koala looks down at him and says: "Fuuuu - k dude.......how much water did you drink?!!" | |
Joke by yank, in Jokes with no home > Drugs - Tagged koala , gecko , stoned , pot , alligator , water - Current Score: 56 - Added: 9 months ago
| A Texan walks into a bar full of black people and yells, "Yee-haw! I love you crazy-assed niggers" The place went silent. One big man walked over to the Texan and said, "Say, WHAT? Motherfucker?" "That's the other thing I like 'bout you niggers." laughed the Texan, "Y'all can't hear!" That was it. The big black guy barked, "Step outside, cracker!" and they went out to the alley. "Now, I'm gonna cut you, sucka!" hissed the black guy as he pulled out a huge knife. The Texan laughed, "That's the other thing I like 'bout you niggers. Ya always bringin' knives at gunfights." | |
Joke by yank, in Religion and racism > Black - Tagged black , texan , gunfight - Current Score: 56 - Added: 9 months ago
| My wife likes to do it doggy style. I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead. | |
Joke by yank, in Sex and shit > Marriage - Tagged doggy style , wife , play dead - Current Score: 31 - Added: 8 months ago
| The three stages of married sex: 1. Tri-weekly. 2. Try weekly. 3. Try weakly. | |
Joke by yank, in Sex and shit > Marriage - Tagged sex , try , weekly , weakly - Current Score: 26 - Added: 6 months, 12 days ago
| A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says. A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she volunteered. The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident. "Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the rottweiler who lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard! "That must've been scary", said the teacher. "It sure was", said the little girl. "My kitty went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'... and before he could say "Fuck," the rottweiler ate him!" | |
Joke by yank, in Jokes with no home > Animals - Tagged animals , stutter , cat , rotweiler - Current Score: 24 - Added: 9 months ago
| A pastor was hiking in the woods when a grizzly bear stepped into his path. The bear stopped, growled, raised up on his back legs, and his mouth began salivating. "Oh, God, PLEASE!" the pastor prayed, "Let this be a Christian bear." A placid look came over the bear and the bear dropped to his knees. The bear said, "Dear, Lord. I thank you for the bountiful feast you have set before me..." | |
Joke by yank, in Religion and racism > Christianity - Tagged pastor , bear , christian - Current Score: 24 - Added: 9 months ago
| There was a bakery in a big city owned by a little old lady. The owner hired a very attractive young lady to work the counter in the afternoon. A few days after the young lady started, certain kinds of breads began selling like crazy. The old lady decided to figure out why. As she walked to the front counter, she noticed that a line of men had already gathered out the door and down the block. Even stranger, every man that came in ordered raisin bread. The reason, she soon figured out, was to watch her young assistant climb the ladder in her short mini-skirt and retrieve their bread! The old lady was furious and went over to the counter. She wanted to let these men know she was on to them, even if the ditsy assistant wasn't. An old man was just about to place his order when the owner interrupted in a loud voice. "So... Is it raisin for you, too?" "Nah." the old man replied. "But it's twitchin'." | |
Joke by yank, in Sex and shit > Oldies - Tagged raisin , twitchin , bread , bakery , short skirt - Current Score: 6 - Added: 9 months ago
| Two Arab brothers emigrated to the U.S. and decided to have a contest as to who could be "the most American" in five years. The winner would get $1,000. Five years past, and the brothers met. One brother showed up in a cowboy hat and said, "I have just come from an American football game with my kids, Steve and Kelly. We had pork hot dogs and I drank a beer." The other brother says, "Whatever, raghead. Pay up." | |
Joke by yank, in Religion and racism > Arabs - Tagged arab , raghead , brothers , bet , contest - Current Score: 4 - Added: 9 months ago
| A guy goes out golfing for the first time with the club pro and they're standing on the first tee. "Now what do I do?" asks the beginner. "See down there about 350 yards? There's a flag. Just hit the ball toward the flag." Said the pro. "Okay." and without thinking... *WHACK!!!!* The ball shot like a rocket right toward the green, and eventually HIT the flag, wrapped up in it a bit, and dropped onto the green. The pro was stunned and they walked to the hole in silence. When they got there, the ball had landed a couple feet from the pin. "Now what do I do?" asked the beginner. "Uh. Well, you, uh. Hit it into the cup." said the pro. The beginner yelled, "Oh, great. NOW you tell me!" | |
Joke by yank, in Jokes with no home > Golf - Tagged golfer , beginner , luck , first time - Current Score: 1 - Added: 9 months ago
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