Blonde Jokes

A blonde walks into a chemist and asks for some rectum deodorant.
The pharmacist explains to the woman that they don't sell it.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this chemist on a regular basis for years and would like some more.
"Do you have the container it came in?" asks the pharmacist.
"Yes," said the blonde and she hands it to him.
He looks at it and says, "this is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container...
"TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM."
My missus has just pointed at the TV, jumped up and down and screamed "OHMYGOD! THEY HAVE THE SAME CHAIR AS ME!"

Didn't have the heart to tell her the TV was off and it was just her reflection.
A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, that the game is a lot of fun. "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

This catches the blonde's attention, and- to keep him quiet- she agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer uses his laptop, searches all references. He uses the Airphone; he searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail.

After one hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde takes the $500 and goes back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes her up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"

The blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.
I once raped an Essex girl. It wasn't as exciting as I'd imagined it to be....

...She fucking enjoyed it more than I did and asked for a date afterwards!
After a really good party, a man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Already drunk and delirious, the man turns to the three women sitting next to him and says, "you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The first woman replies, "I am 240 pounds, a world kick-boxing champion and I'm actually a natural blonde. My friend here is 190 pounds, a world Judo champion and she's also a natural blonde. And my other friend weighs 200 pounds, used to be a world arm wrestling champion, and like me and our other friend, is a natural blonde. So, do you still want to tell me that joke?"
The man thinks for a while. "Um, no" he replies. "Not if I'll have to explain it three times..."
A blonde just texted me saying, "What does idk stand for?"
I texted back saying, "I don't know" and she replied, "OMG, no-one does!"
A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand.
He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.

Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes.
The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.

The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion, surrounded by 50 stunningly beautiful women.
He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house.
Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet.
He looks down and notices the floor is covered in £50 notes.
Next, there's a knock at the door, so he answers it!

Standing there are two people dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits.
They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a sturdy limb and hang him by the neck until dead.

As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods. It's the two blonde genies!

One blonde genie says to the other,
"I can understand the first wish..... having all those beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to.
I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire. But, why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me."