A blunt and straight talking Barnsley lad wakes up one morning with a sore anus, so he goes to the local village shop and says to the assistant, "Na then lad, has tha got any arse cream?"
"Certainly," replies the assistant. "Do you want Magnum or Cornetto?"
In the town of Shrewsbury, they say it depends on which side of the river you're from as to whether you pronounce it "Shr-oo-sbury" or "Shr-ow-sbury".
It's the same in Dewsbury. One side of the river it's pronounced "Dyoosbury" and on the other side it's known as "Pak - i - stan".
Dr. Who lands the TARDIS on planet Earth way back in the Dark Ages, in a faraway land we now call Bangladesh.
"Where the bleedin' hell are we?" asks his companion, Donna.
"Well," replies the Doctor, leaving the Tardis and walking around, "judging by that disgusting smell and the fact that we appear to be surrounded by towelheads with no significant intelligence living in caves and mud huts... this is Bradford 2008!"