Muslim Jokes

Just been to my first Muslim birthday party. The musical chairs was a bit slow, but fuck me the pass the parcel was quick!
With Britain becoming worse and worse by the day, I propose that we all seek asylum somewhere.

I suggest Pakistan:

We could build a huge church in the middle of Islamabad that dominates the skyline, set up chippys and shops on every corner, assault the locals who dare to come into "our" part of town, set up specialist shops selling pork products and non-halal meat, protest to the government that the name "Ramadan" is offensive to our religion, and ask that they make it more inclusive by changing it to "Starve Yourself Fest."
I hear stories about a new kind of toilet paper being sold.

There's a drawing of the prophet Mohammed on it and you get to colour him in!
I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.

I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it fucking start?"
Following my joke last week about the Holy Qur'an, and the large number of private messages from Muslim members of this site that followed it, I would like to make the following statement:

"Islam is a religion based on peace, love and respect, and this is the central message of the Qur'an. As such I offer a full apology for making the claim that it encourages suicide bombing and violence."

OK, there - I said it. Now can you please stop sending me death threats?
When Muslim parents have to use the, "Open wide, here comes the airplane!" technique, do they just smash it in their face and make explosive noises?
There's an old saying:
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

But nowadays most doctors seem to be Muslim so I find that bacon is far more effective.