Search Results for "christian"

When I was putting my Christmas lights up this morning I wasn't sure if it would offend my Non-christian neighbours...

So to be sure I painted a massive swastika on my garage door too.
Arguing with a christian is like playing chess with a pigeon.

You could be the greatest player in the world, but the pigeon will still knock over all the pieces, shit on the board and strut around triumphantly.
A guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.

The guy behind the counter says, "Male or female?"

The customer says, "Female"

The counter guy asks, "Black or white?"

The customer says, "White"

The counter guy asks, "christian or Muslim?"

The customer says, "What the hell does religion have to do with it?"

The counter guy says, "The Muslim one blows itself up!"
As a christian I was deeply offended by tonight's Top Gear where it was suggested that the the new 'Stig' was born in Israel.

The Stig is a fictional character dressed in white, whose entire history is nothing more than a load of ridiculous, made up stories and no one has ever actually seen him.

Whereas Jesus...
TV > Sport
A plane carrying christian missionaries crashes in the middle of the Pacific ocean. Miraculously, two priests and a nun survive and make it to a remote desert island. Stranded all alone, with no hope of rescue, the three are unable to resist temptation.

However, after a few months, the woman is overcome by guilt at the sins she has committed and so she kills herself.

Several months later, the two priests have a moment of clarity and realise they also cannot cope with the guilt of what they are doing.

So they bury her.
I'm sweating like...

a dyslexic on Countdown
Neil Lennon's postman
a Sri Lankian on a tour bus
a Sickipedian Watching Grange Hill
a paedo in a playground
a fat man at a buffet
a nun at a cucumber stall
Gary Glitter in Mothercare
a fat bird at a disco
Rupert Murdoch's ink supplier
Mel Gibson at a Bar Mitzvah
a Muslim at passport control
a blind lesbian in a fish market/sushi bar
a nigger on a rape charge
Vanessa Feltz on a treadmill
Michael Barrymore at a pool party
a Scouser in Dixons
a gerbil in a gay bar
a fat kid in a sweet shop
a pregnant nun
a Geordie in a job centre
a dog outside a Chinese restaurant
a priest at a boy-scout meeting
Fred West's babysitter
Michael Jackson on a bouncy castle
Hitler at a Bar Mitzvah
a Scouser watching Crimewatch
a necrophiliac in a mortuary
a Priest Watching CBBC
a Necrophiliac at a funeral
an American on Sickipedia
Jade Goody's stylist
Jade Goody trying to buy life insurance
an American at a dietitian
a racist in Bradford
a Jew in a shower
a coon at a Klan Rally
a Scotsman at a charity fund raiser
Jock Stein at a boy's club
Bill Clinton at a feminist meeting
a Brazilian on a tube train
a Jew in a tax office
a gypsy in a room full of spoons
a Jew at a half price bacon sale
an Obama at an inauguration
a Jew in 1940
a black worker in a recession
a rhino in a power shower
an emo in a knife factory
a Yank in an exam
Holly and Jessica at a caretaker's house
a yank in a tower
Peter Sutcliffe in a red light district
a fat bird on E
Gary Glitter's travel agent
Shannon at a family gathering
a white man in London
a car windscreen in Liverpool
Ian Huntley at bath time
Francesca speeding down a hill on a makeshift sledge
an African child whose village is being visited by Madonna
a ginger at a party
a kid with a weekend invite to Neverland
Gerry McCann in a game of Cluedo
an undertaker visiting a cancer ward
me after posting a joke
Benitez at a press conference
a ticking Muslim
an Arab taking flying lessons
a Scouser in a terraced stand
a white guy eating a Milky Bar
an epileptic watching a strobe light
a fat cunt
a Scouser at a job interview
Jack Tweedy on his wedding night
Michael Jackson's baby shower
a paedo in Mothercare
a man wearing leather trousers
your mum when i come over for tea
a white guy in Bradford
dad when my sisters pregnant
a fat cunt in Gregg's
your daughter when I come knocking
Anne Frank when she plays her drums
a blonde on a stuck escalator
Lee Bowyer in a mosque
Wayne Rooney in an old folks home
a Jew in Hitler's house
a doctor on his way to Glasgow Airport
Lee Evans
an Austrian girl in her dad's basement
Madeleine McCann in Portugal
Muhammad Ali in a buckaroo competition
a paedo in a peter pan production
a paedo during WWII who's just found out he's going to be looking after some evacuees
a RBS employee sticking some paper through a shredder
Michael Jackson in a nursery
Joseph Fritzl at a family reunion
a blind poof in a sausage factory
an American
an Aussie at a bush fire
Dwain Chambers at a drugs testing
Simon Weston at a barbecue
Michael Hutchence in an Australian hotel room
Jamie Bulger's mum in a shopping centre
a hooker in Ipswich
Chris Brown on an assault charge
a naked boy with a catholic priest
a hair on my gooch
a Paki bastard
a black man watching Crimewatch
a Drug Dealer in a Chemist
Michael J Fox playing Operation
Jill Dando with a gun against her head
a dog in Chinatown
my dick when CBBC comes on the TV
Rihanna when she hears, "Honey, I'm home!"
a small girl when faced with a large dangerous hill and a sheet of metal
a Swede in a STI clinic
a Brit in AA
a Frenchie in a shower
a Swiss with a Machine that could destroy the fucking planet
a Canadian near a seal
a Dutchman in Rehab
a fat girl's pussy
a Women in a car
a Gay in America
a farmer in the wake of a foot and mouth break out
Harold Shipman in a retirement home
Barack Obama In Alabama
Gazza at Happy Hour
a hooded rapist
a gardener who's hired a spade
a Prostitute in Ipswich
an arm pit
Ian Huntly at a man U game
Stephen Hawking with the runs
a nigger on a rape charge
a christian missionary in Islamabad
a nun in a cucumber field
Josef Fritzl and Wolfgang Priklopil on MTV Cribs
Joe McElderry climbing broke back mountain
Jill Dando trying to find the door key
an Alsatian in a police van
a Norwegian on an island
Ryan Giggs watching his wife setting up a Twitter account
a Coronation Street script editor
a Norwegian kid at Labour Camp
Suarez watching the African cup of nations
a Muslim on a bus of nine year old girls
an Arab through Customs
the last remaining Bee Gee
a Kenyan personal shopper
a window boarder in Croydon
like a Jimmy Savile in a morgue
Is the new Batman movie cursed? Consider the evidence:

1. Heath Ledger died from an overdose earlier this year.

2. christian Bale was arrested a few weeks ago.

3. Morgan Freeman was in a serious car crash on Sunday.

4. I'm planning to kidnap Maggie Gyllenhaal next weekend and keep her in my cellar as a sex slave for the rest of her natural life.

Spooky, eh?

User Search Results for "christian"