Please sign,
I, the undersigned, agree that...

1. In the unlikely event of my not having an orgasm after you’ve drunkenly rolled on top of me and pumped away for five minutes, wheezing like an old man with emphysema, I shall politely fake one.

2. I fully understand that a woman’s main role in any relationship is to take the blame. So when you stub your toe in the bathroom or your football team lose, I agree that - by some complex scientific equation incompreh [...]

Please sign,
I, the undersigned, agree that...

1. In the unlikely event of my not having an orgasm after you’ve drunkenly rolled on top of me and pumped away for five minutes, wheezing like an old man with emphysema, I shall politely fake one.

2. I fully understand that a woman’s main role in any relationship is to take the blame. So when you stub your toe in the bathroom or your football team lose, I agree that - by some complex scientific equation incomprehensible to woman - it will be my fault. Even if I wasn’t there.

3. Whenever my friends and I get together for a girlie chat, I will tell them that you are better hung than a large-balled Himalayan yak.

4. And I will also mention this to YOUR friends. A lot.

5. After sex, I will not expect you to cuddle me for hours till your arm goes dead. Nor will let my hair annoyingly get in your face.

6. I will never, ever give your penis a "cute" nickname.

7. In bed, I will be as keen as mustard to try any novel sexual position you fancy. Especially ones where I do all the work and you just lie there, grinning.

8. After we split up, I will never sleep with any of your friends or colleagues. Or anyone else you have ever met. Or may one day meet. And if men attempt to chat me up, I will solemnly inform them that you have "ruined me for other men".

9. I understand that mechanical objects like cars, computer games, and remote control devices are beyond the comprehension of women. I will only make a fool of myself if I attempt to operate them, so you’re in charge of the lot. Except for the iron and the washing machine, of course.

Signed ____________________________________

Date ______________________________________

So anti-social behaviour is the result of violent computer games, is it? Bollocks...

If all these little hoodie-wearing, acne-covered, chain-smoking, swaggering cunts were at home playing computer games my wife wouldn't have been stabbed and raped, would she?
[...]

So anti-social behaviour is the result of violent computer games, is it? Bollocks...

If all these little hoodie-wearing, acne-covered, chain-smoking, swaggering cunts were at home playing computer games my wife wouldn't have been stabbed and raped, would she?

At least until I got home.

My brother is one of those cunts that always takes credit for stuff he isn't responsible for:


- He get's other people to do his job for him, then tells his boss he did it.

- He cheats at computer games and then brags about his "high score".

- He even takes the credit for MY son passing his University course. Although, to be [...]

My brother is one of those cunts that always takes credit for stuff he isn't responsible for:


- He get's other people to do his job for him, then tells his boss he did it.

- He cheats at computer games and then brags about his "high score".

- He even takes the credit for MY son passing his University course. Although, to be fair, he does actually think the lad is his and has spent the last 24 years raising him.