Gay Ray goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run.

The doctor comes back and says, "Ray, I'm not going to beat around the bush. You have AIDS."

Ray is devastated. "Doc, what can I do?"

"Eat 1 curry sausage, 1 head of cabbage, 20 unpeeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts,1/2 box of Grape nuts cereal, and top it off wi [...]

Gay Ray goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run.

The doctor comes back and says, "Ray, I'm not going to beat around the bush. You have AIDS."

Ray is devastated. "Doc, what can I do?"

"Eat 1 curry sausage, 1 head of cabbage, 20 unpeeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts,1/2 box of Grape nuts cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice."

Ray asks bewildered, "Will that cure me, Doc? "

Doc says, "No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your fuckin' arse is for."

According to Thomas Cook in the UK, some holidaymakers are just never satisfied. Here are the top ten most bizarre and genuine customer complaints received by the firm in recent years:

1. On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all.

2. The beach was too sandy.

3. I bought a snorkel and swimming mask for my six-ye [...]

According to Thomas Cook in the UK, some holidaymakers are just never satisfied. Here are the top ten most bizarre and genuine customer complaints received by the firm in recent years:

1. On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all.

2. The beach was too sandy.

3. I bought a snorkel and swimming mask for my six-year-old son, but he was too upset to use them as the fish frightened him.

4. It rained on my birthday.

5. Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women.

6. I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.

7. It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned.

8. We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five Euros (£3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake.

9. None of the hotel staff were English, and the tea didn't taste the same as at home.

10. I would like to complain about the price of alcohol in the resort. It was too cheap and I woke with a hangover every day.

Eighty-Nine things a woman can't do: (and counting)

1. Know anything about a car except its colour.
2. Understand a film plot.
3. Go 24 hours without sending a text message.
4. Lift.
5. Throw.
6. Run.
7. Park.
8. Fart.
9. Read a map.
10. Rob a bank.
11. Resist Ikea.
12. Sit still.
13. Tell a joke.
14. Play pool.
15. Pay for dinner.
16. Eat a kebab whilst walking.
17. Pee [...]

Eighty-Nine things a woman can't do: (and counting)

1. Know anything about a car except its colour.
2. Understand a film plot.
3. Go 24 hours without sending a text message.
4. Lift.
5. Throw.
6. Run.
7. Park.
8. Fart.
9. Read a map.
10. Rob a bank.
11. Resist Ikea.
12. Sit still.
13. Tell a joke.
14. Play pool.
15. Pay for dinner.
16. Eat a kebab whilst walking.
17. Pee out of a train window.
18. Argue without shouting.
19. Get told off without crying.
20. Understand fruit machines.
21. Walk past a shoe shop.
22. Make a decent bacon sandwich.
23. Not comment on strangers clothes.
24. Use small amounts of toilet paper.
25. Let you sleep with a hangover.
26. Drink a pint gracefully.
27. Get a round in.
28. Throw a punch.
29. Do magic.
30. Like your friends.
31. Enjoy porn.
32. Eat a really hot curry.
33. Get to the point.
34. Buy plain envelopes.
35. Take less than 20 minutes in the toilet.
36. Sit in a room for five minutes without saying "I'm cold."
37. Go shopping without phoning 20 mates.
38. Avoid credit card debt.
39. Dive into a pool.
40. Assemble furniture.
41. Roll a bogey between finger and thumb.
42. Set a video recorder.
43. Not try and change you.
44. Watch a war film.
45. Understand why flirting results in violence.
46. Spend a day by themselves.
47. Go to the toilet by themselves.
48. Buy a purse that fits in their pocket.
49. Choose a video quickly.
50. Conserve electricity, water or any other form of energy.
51. Admit they are wrong.
52. Not try and undermine you.
53. Let you make your own decisions.
54. Agree with you.
55. Use common sense.
56. Make a major change to the world for the better with an invention.
57. Construct a floor plan.
58. Remember something that isn't for them.
59. Win something.
60. Walk out of a store with stuff they didn't plan to get before they walked in there.
61. Get something done right the first time.
62. Call anyone 'mate'.
63. Stay in the Kitchen.
64. Stay quiet for longer than one minute.
65. Find Madeleine McCann.
66. Cook.
67. Stop making their husbands lives hell.
68. Get married and still give a blow job.
69. Have their money ready before they get on the bus.
70. Clean out a tropical fish tank.
71. Get ready in the morning without making a racket.
72. Choose suitable footwear.
73. Post lists and pretend they're jokes.
74. Compliment other women.
75. Find your mates are good company for you.
76. Take it up the arse without moaning about it beforehand.
77. Open a jar.
78. Ask you to open a jar without then making a comment such as 'I loosened it for you'.
79. Keep track of something and not lose it.
80. Listen.
81. Make a right decision other than having sex with you.
82. Be the best.
83. Win five Olympic gold medals without steroids.
84. Interact with anyone they haven't known for at least a year.
85. Light farts.
86. Get this far without having argued with at least 1 of the above.
87. Drive.
88. Find a way out of a cellar.
89. Find your car keys.