Search Results for "fortune teller"

I visited a fortune teller recently. She studied my palm for a couple of seconds, then said, "I can tell you are lonely, single and you have not had a partner for some time."
Amazed, I asked if she could tell all that just by the life lines in my hands.
"No," she said,"by the callouses and blisters."
Me and the girlfriend went to see a fortune teller, he said ''The love of your life is in this room.''

So I dumped her and asked him out for a drink.
I went to see a fortune teller with my wife today.

"Sit down," she smiled, placing her hands on my palms. "Your two boys will have long successful careers."

"Ooh," my wife whispered. "She knows that we've got two boys."

"You will grow old with the love of your life," the fortune teller carried on. "With a woman whose name begins with 'S'."

"Oh my god," I burst out, turning to my wife. "Your sister's name is Sarah!"

"And my name's Sandra, you cunt!"
Hitler went to a fortune teller to find out what day he would die. The fortune teller arsed around with tarot cards and a crystal ball for a bit before saying, "You will die on a Jewish holiday."

Hitler was not particularly pleased to hear this, but he said, "Which Jewish holiday?"

The fortune teller said, "Whatever day you die will be a Jewish holiday."
Went to see a fortune teller earlier, as she gazed into the crystal ball she said "You'll never have any more children".

Then the fucking thing rolled off the table and crushed my bollocks.
I went to see a fortune teller. She said I will be skint and unhappy till I am fifty.

I said, "What happens when I'm fifty?"

She replied, "Oh, nothing. You'll be fucking used to it by then."